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What To Expect at a Buddhist Wedding
by Youngchin
There is no set Buddhist wedding ritual. The Buddha didn’t believe weddings were sacred. He recognized that everyone is imperfect, and didn’t think that two people could really belong to each other. He thought that they could pledge to try to get closer to the Truth together, but not really get married the way most other cultures think of it.
Yeah, I know: Whee. Even though that sounds like a downer, it actually opens up some pretty cool doors for the happy Buddhist couple. (The serene Buddhist couple?) The Buddha did think that weddings were OK as a social (as opposed to religious) ceremony, and that they should be based on equality and mutual respect. Pretty cool attitude for a guy that long ago.
What it all means is that there is almost no wrong way for a Buddhist to get married. The wedding will be egalitarian with a touch of anything goes. Most ceremonies will probably take their main influence from local wedding traditions, though Western Buddhists definitely enjoy mixing and matching styles. A Buddhist wedding in the United States will be very personalized.
The flexibility and welcoming attitude are making Buddhist weddings increasingly popular. Mixed-faith couples, spiritual-but-not-religious couples, and gay couples find Buddhist ceremonies a good way too keep a spiritual component in their weddings without being tied down to traditions they’re not comfortable with.
The wedding will almost certainly be low-key. Buddhism frowns on attachments to material things. (Which means if you’re planning a Buddhist fairy tale wedding, it might be time to stop and take a breather.)
Buddhist weddings are often held outdoors, or they may be held in a temple. If you’re invited to a temple, be prepared to remove your shoes and maybe hear a little light chanting.
In some areas Buddhist couples get the blessings of Buddhist monks before or after their wedding, but in other areas the monks stay removed. In the United States, many Buddhist weddings have Unitarian Universalist officiants, who recognize the validity of all religions and tend to be agreeably relaxed about custom ceremonies. You may also see officiants from the less conservative branches of Christianity and Judaism, and from every wedding’s Internetty pal, the Universal Life Church.
You don’t need to invest in orange robes. Just dress like you would for any wedding unless the couple gives you a heads-up about hiking or something. And speaking of a heads-up, the newlyweds-to-be do know that they’re designing an unusual ceremony. They’ll let you know if you’re expected to share a blessing or achieve perfect oneness with the universe or anything. Enjoy!
