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Parental Advisory - When Your Parents Don't Like Your Groom
by Jen
Dating someone your parents don’t like is all good fun in high school. Some girls still date guys who are off the Approved List to shake things up in college – not that they’d admit it for a moment. But after that, you work out your issues and stop dating people for maximum shock value. You pick guys for the way they make you feel, and as a rule, yes, once you really start letting one into your life, it’s natural to want your family to love him too.
It’s difficult to date a guy who your parents don’t care for, but getting engaged to someone your parents can’t stand can break your heart about six times over. It’s painful to have the important people in your life at odds. If you don’t feel like you’ve already tried everything, you might take a look at our humble advice.
Ask them.
This won’t necessarily be easy, as you’re going to have to listen to your parents badmouth the man you love with as little judgment as possible. Try to listen as openly as you can, and avoid leaping to his defense until they’re done.
This sounds like no fun at all, but you can defuse a lot by just letting people have their say. They may be able to settle down now that they’re no longer holding their objections back. And if they dislike him because of a misunderstanding or a simple cultural difference, now you’ll know that and will be able to explain.
Check in with your friends.
The people who love you want you to be happy. Even if you have a difficult relationship with your parents, odds are they’re on your side. So if they don’t like your fiancé, you may want to look at the possibility – however remote – that they dislike him because they don’t think he’s treating you well. If your friends also seem to bristle around your fiancé, that’s a big red flag. Have lunch alone with one of your friends who loves you enough to be completely honest. Listen to what she has to say, and no shooting the messenger. If the people in your life who care about you the most like this guy the least, it’s time to take a step back and look at your relationship. Yes, you know your guy best, and you can probably trust your instincts about him. But if you’ve got love’s blinders on, it’s better to find out now than later.
Make sure they know you’re happy.
Your parents may not understand why you like this guy so much. And, if you think about it, they may not have seen him at his best. Even the greatest guys in the world can get nervous around their future in-laws. Make sure they understand why you get such a kick out of him – why he makes you laugh, or the way he’s really opened up the world of European team handball for you. Tell them about thoughtful little things he does, and give them a chance to see how happy you are when you’re with him. When they realize that he’s as big a fan of you as they are, they’ll know he has excellent taste.
Wait it out.
Unfortunately, sometimes parents will dislike a partner for reasons you just can’t agree with. Or even reasons that are just flat-out wrong. If your parents dislike your intended because of differences in religion, money, or race, or if they’re upset because the person they were hoping would be the man in your life is actually a woman, you may just have to be patient but firm with them. It’s not unheard of for people to change their minds, but it does take time.
Insist your family include your fiancé (or fiancée) in all family events and treat him or her with absolute courtesy and respect. You should prepare yourself for the fact that they may never change, but then again you never know. As the years go by, they’re more and more likely to see the person inside instead of the outer trappings.
Turn a bad situation into a situation comedy.
If you’re already in a bad place and don’t see any sudden changes of heart on the horizon, you might as well amuse yourself with wacky sitcom scheming. Pretend to break up and then date someone much, much worse for a while so they’ll see your fiancé as a blessing, If at all possible, employ fake moustaches, wacky foreign accents, and plenty of door-slamming.
