Smell You Later: Dealing with a Postponement

by Jen

I’m going to be honest with you: There’s no way that postponing your wedding doesn’t suck. I mean, the end result may be distinctly non-sucky, but dealing with the postponement? Will suck and suck hard, so just brace yourself. This too shall pass. You can reflect on the fact that things happen for a reason, or you can hit the gym and punch watermelon-sized divots into the heavy bag. Your call. But then you have to come back and deal with the postponement.

If you are more than two months away from the original wedding date, send out written notices as soon as possible.
You don’t need fancy engraving or anything. Just chase the original invitations with notices of the postponement. If you have the new date, terrifico, do include it. If not, just let your guests know that further bulletins will come as events warrant. Yes, this is one of those times when you get to recruit the help of everyone – the groom, the maid of honor, and any parents in range.

If you are less than two months away from the original date, you must get on the horn.
Call people before they finalize travel plans. Again, you have huge license to call in the troops for help with this – ask any members of the family or wedding party who have the right level of discretion.

And, yes, you really do need to use the phone. Do not trust information this important to e-mail. I have personally been included on a wedding announcement e-mail list that actually should have gone to the woman whose e-mail address is one letter different than mine. Yes, I know you would never make a mistake like that. I repeat: Do not trust information this important to e-mail.

It is not, in fact, anyone’s business why you postponed.
Just because they ask doesn’t mean they actually need to know. Of course if you do have a simple reason such as a natural disaster or a death in the family, you may give your guests that information if you’re comfortable with it. If you’re not comfortable explaining your reasons, though, guests may be cheerfully and politely brushed off. You may also lie through your teeth in perfectly good conscience. “Oh, there were too many conflicts with the date, so we decided to reschedule to make sure more people could join us,” is a good one, as are usefully vague “issues with the space.” Just smile and deflect, smile and deflect.

Yes, you and your groom may concoct entertaining and increasingly outrageous lies for the persistently nosy.
Imply that one of you just has to get that circus dream out of his or her system, claim that you and your fiancé are making things meaningful by personally mining the stones for the ring, or hint darkly about alien abductions. If you’re going to go through the difficulty of postponing, you might as well get some laughs out of it. On your five-, ten-, and fifteen-year anniversaries, you and your husband can discuss whether to reveal the truth to your overcurious guests or turn the screws tighter and start suggesting that an international spy ring may have been involved.

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