What Not To Wear: Giving the Gift of a Dress Code

by Youngchin

I am on record as someone who loves a weird wedding. And as someone who intends to have one herself. I think it’s great when brides and grooms let their freak flags fly at weddings. But that doesn’t mean you should confuse your guests. As fun and taboo-breaking as your wedding may be, your guests should be in on the joke. Or they should at least not feel like the butts of it.

That means you have to let them know what to wear. Like, for real, and explicitly – hinting isn’t cool. Your guests want to please you and they don’t want to look like freakballs. Tell them what you want them to wear.

I love it that as a society we’re tearing through the old rules and stuff, but it does mean we’ve lost knowing what to do. Even though I wouldn’t want to be constrained by etiquette books, I can see how knowing exactly what length your skirt is supposed to be when the invitation says “informal evening” or “formal daytime” would be comforting.

Because, people? We are in total dress code anarchy. Most of the invitations I get don’t mention a dress code at all. And yet I am reasonably certain that they’d get snippy if I showed up in The Hunk’s old college T-shirt and a pair of buttless chaps. The ones that do specify include one that describes the reception as “ghetto fabulous,” which I think you’re only allowed to do if you have written permission from Missy Elliott. And on top of that, it’s no help. I also have one that says “beach formal”. What does that mean? Go as formal as you can with sand still being involved? Be silly and wear a cocktail dress with flippers and an inner tube? What?

Ask your guests to wear whatever you want, but don’t get cute with the description. Or do get cute, but add a footnote or something.

Give your guests any practical information they need.
If they will be hiking to the ceremony or need to deal with sand or snakes or something, tell them that. No screwing around – just flat-out tell them. Same deal with anything like wetsuits or Renaissance clothes or beekeeping equipment. Give your guests the chance to show up prepared… or to bail. Your grandma should know that she’ll be expected to rappelle to the reception before they’re actually strapping her in.

Don’t be afraid of old-fashioned descriptions.
If you really mean “formal evening,” it really doesn’t help anyone to get creative with it. You write it, they look it up, everybody shows up looking spiffy. Calling it “red carpet glam” or “cotillionaire” is just asking for trouble. Seriously. There are lots of other places to get creative. There is no need to call it “penguins and pumps.”

If you have a high-concept theme, explain it.
If you want to get random and see what great ideas your guests can come up with, have a Halloween party. For your wedding, they want to know what to wear. Dance party on Mars? Tropical getaway? Country jamboree? All natural fibers? Only blue and green? Togas? Terrifico, but make it absolutely clear. Every round of phone calls your friends have to make to try to figure out what they’re supposed to wear increases the chance that they’re hoping you’ll accidentally tuck the back of your wedding dress into your panties.

Get a 2nd opinion!
Love it!