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I Now Pronounce You Man and Guest
by Marta
This week, Columnist Marta Segal Block boldly addresses the accidental snub.
Dear Wedding Maven,
When we were sending wedding invitations we were told that “John,” a friend of the family, was getting divorced and had moved out of his house. My fiancé called to get his new address. John didn’t mention the divorce, and my fiancé didn’t ask. We sent an invitation to John and “guest.” We never got the RSVP card back. We called and left a message asking if he was coming, but never got an answer.
My fiancé’s mother called John’s mom. She said that John and his wife had gotten back together. She said John’s wife was offended that she hadn’t been on the invitation, and they weren’t coming. My fiancé has tried to call John to explain the situation, but he won’t take his calls.
My fiancé is really hurt. He wanted John to come. Were we wrong to address the invitation like that? Should we send a new invitation addressed to both of them?
Signed,
Miss Informed
Dear Miss,
Remember what your middle school gym teacher used to say about assumptions and making an ass out of yourself?
Not to pick on you, but instead of pretending you’re still in middle school, and relying on your future m-i-l for gossip and answers, why didn’t you just ask John how to address the invitation? The end result might have been the same, but at least it wouldn’t be your fault.
If you have time, it would be nice to send a new invitation. Put a little note inside apologizing for the confusion and restating your heartfelt desire that they both attend. Don’t try and explain, just apologize. Don’t count on them coming, though. This couple is obviously going through a lot right now. On the plus side, what the husband is doing, standing by his wife even though it hurts an old friend, is exactly what a married couple is supposed to do!
I’m sure if I looked hard enough in my in-box I’d see letters from people offended at being addressed as “guest” even though they’ve been with their boyfriends or fiancés for years. I’d probably also find a few letters from people who are offended at being addressed by their husbands’ last names instead of their own, or vice versa. Obviously, it’s easy to be offended with this sort of thing. Hopefully, having unintentionally been the offender, you’ll now be quicker to forgive others.
In the meantime, you have plenty of other stuff to stress out about. Let this one go.
Got a burning bridal question? E-mail the Wedding Maven at onewedmaven@gmail.com.
