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Questions about Questions
by Marta
In this column, the Wedding Maven helps brides answer some unwanted questions.
Dear Wedding Maven,
I’m a Ph.D. student. I’m also an amateur violinist and photographer. However, now that I’m engaged, all anyone wants to talk about is wedding plans. Truthfully, I don’t care that much about wedding plans. Whenever people bring it up, I answer their questions, but they seem a little disappointed that I don’t want to spend hours talking about caterers and flowers.
I really wish that asking about me could be about me and my life again, not just this one day. How can I get back to talking about important things?
Signed,
More than a Bride
Dear More,
You don’t say what your Ph.D. will be in, but perhaps you recognize this quote: “The lady doth protest too much.” You say you aren’t interested in wedding planning, but here you are, on a wedding site, looking at wedding info, writing in for wedding advice. Obviously this is important to you, and it should be.
Caring about your wedding doesn’t make you flighty, or silly, or the dreaded B------lla word. It doesn’t make you any less of a scholar, a musician, a photographer, or a person. It makes you a woman in love, standing on the brink of a new stage in her life. The transition to that new stage can be a little scary and disorienting, but it is important.
You need to give people a break. They aren’t trying to diminish your other accomplishments, or reduce you to “just a bride.” They’re just trying to connect with you. You’ve been a grad student and an artist for a while now — this is something new. Truth be told, weddings might also be something they feel a little more comfortable talking about then your chosen academic field.
If you really aren’t interested in talking about your wedding plans, answer the question and change the subject to your questioner’s favorite subject: herself! “We haven’t picked a caterer yet. Do you have any good restaurants you’ve been too lately?”
Don’t worry, soon your wedding will be over and then you can start answering questions about when you’re going to buy a house or get pregnant!
Dear Wedding Maven,
This is really starting to get on my nerves!
When people ask me how married life is going and I say it’s great, good, I’m LOVING it, etc., they come back with "Oh well, you’re still in the Honeymoon stage," or "Give it a few years."
Come on, it can't be that bad. I know marriage takes work and that it’s going to be rough at times. But seriously, what’s with the negative comments? I mean, are they that unhappy with their own spouses?
Why do they want to upset me when I am happy and enjoying being a newlywed? Can't they just say, "I’m happy for you”?
What’s the deal?
Signed,
I’m Happy Damn It!
Dear Happy,
I don’t think these people are unhappy with their marriages. I think they think they’re being funny or cute, or even “real.” As I said to the professor above, people are just trying to connect. Unfortunately, for some people the only way they know to connect is to share misery.
Just smile, nod and make a note to try and find more positive friends. Oh, and just like the professor, don’t worry, soon you’ll be fielding negative comments about home ownership, being a parent or any other big step you take.
Got a burning bridal question? E-mail the Wedding Maven at onewedmaven@gmail.com.
Pinterest
I would like to learn how to put together blue colored water cylinder full of orchid blooms shown in one of the " Fuschia,purple and champagne weddings"dated Jan2009
How do I get design help.?
I am a new member to your site.
Please offer help
I would like to learn how to put together blue colored water cylinder full of orchid blooms shown in one of the " Fuschia,purple and champagne weddings"dated Jan2009
How do I get design help.?
I am a new member to your site.
Please offer help