If Anyone Knows Why These Two Should NOT Be Joined….

by Marta

In this week’s column, Marta Segal Block answers questions from women who are definitely NOT the bride.

Dear Wedding Maven,
I just found out that the "terrific" guy I've been dating is already engaged! Do I tell his fiancée? If I do, I'll feel bad for ruining her engagement, but if I don't I'll be letting some innocent woman marry a creep. Help!
The Accidental Other Woman

Dear Accidental,

One thing I’ve learned as a professional busybody is that you never really know what effect you’ll have on a situation. You could tell this woman that her fiancé is a cheating pig and she still might marry him. Maybe she’s cheating, too. Maybe this will spark the heart-to-heart conversation she and her rat-to-be need to have. Or maybe she just won’t believe you.

If you can honestly say that the only reason you want to tell the bride-to-be is because you think she deserves to know, then yes, tell her. Tell her in as low-drama way as possible. No Jerry Springer, no tearful intervention at her office. Send her an email, a Facebook message, or make a phone call.

However, if your goal is to punish the jerk, then you need to step back, Avenger Girl. Take a yoga class, eat a pint of ice cream, and burn anything that reminds you of him, but don’t interfere. It’ll be clear to her that you’re angry, and that may give her an easy way to decide you’re one step away from killing a pet bunny in her kitchen.

It sucks that this happened to you, but we can’t always fix all wrongs.

Dear Wedding Maven,
My ex-boyfriend and I met through our parents; they’ve been friends a long time. I recently received an invitation to his wedding, as did my parents. They’re going, but I can’t decide if I should. We were pretty serious at one point, and everyone, including us, thought we would get married one day. I’m the one who called it off. Should I go?

Signed,
The Groom’s Past

Dear Past,

There’s really no right answer here. If you wish your ex well and would like to see him happily married, then go. If the idea of having to sit next to your parents while their dream son-in-law walks down the aisle with someone else gives you hives, then don’t. If you think you might become a sloppy drunk, definitely don’t go.

My husband’s ex did not come to our wedding, and while I could have done without the teary call explaining why, I appreciated her knowing herself well enough to stay away. One of my friends recently went to her significant ex’s wedding, but did not stay for the reception. She wished him well, but didn’t think she could take all the sympathetic hugs she would get if she stuck around for dinner. Another woman I know not only went to the wedding, but did a reading (of course, she was actually the bride’s ex, and the bride is now straight, so that might be a subject for a different column).

Whatever you do, you deserve a little treat just for going through this. I vote for a fabulous new dress to wear at the wedding – or on your first date with the guy you do marry!

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