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Making Your Friends Wear Fuchsia
by Marta
This week, The Wedding Maven lays down the bridesmaid basics.
Dear Wedding Maven,
I’m recently engaged and certain friends are hinting around at being a bridesmaid. Other people are telling me to be very careful about choosing bridesmaids. Here’s my question: What the hell are bridesmaids? I mean, I know they stand in a row in matching dresses, but what is it they actually do? How many do you need? How do you pick them?
Signed,
Maidless
Dear Maidless,
After the letters I’ve seen from brides complaining about bridesmaids and the letters from bridesmaids complaining about brides, your letter is a relief!
Originally, bridesmaids were young women who helped the bride on the day of the wedding, and dressed like the bride to confuse evil spirits. So that’s one option for you.
Assuming you don’t believe in evil spirits, how many bridesmaids you have and what they do sort of depends on what kind of wedding you’re having. Your bridesmaids can help you plan the wedding, help you stuff invitations, or just help you figure out how to wiggle into your dress. Frequently, your maid of honor will throw a bridal shower for you, but this is not required. Also not required is for these friends/relatives to give up their lives to serve you, or for them to shell out hundreds of dollars for a dress not of their choosing.
As to how to pick them, they should be close friends. Don’t get over-excited in the early days and ask your aerobics instructor or your brother’s girlfriend. For whatever reason, some women really love being a bridesmaid. If you need a lot of help, one of these do-gooders may be a good choice. Whatever you do, don’t let yourself get guilted into asking someone you don’t particularly like. Remember, this woman will be in your private space the day of your wedding.
When you do figure out what you need a bridesmaid to do and who you want to help you, make sure to make your hopes and expectations clear. Don’t ask someone to be in the wedding and then surprise them six months later with a mile-long “to-do list” and a $500 bridesmaid dress.
There are plenty of ways to include friends and family in your wedding - bridesmaid is just one of them.
Do you have a question about wedding day manners, ethics, or traditions? Write the Wedding Maven at onewedmaven@gmail.com
