Are Divorces the New Weddings?
As you may have seen on our news’ section, last week’s Project Runway featured the designers reworking the wedding dresses of divorced women. The idea was to create an outfit the woman could wear in her “new life.” I've seen a lot of articles lately about bakeries that specialize in “divorce cakes,” cakes that celebrate divorces, usually with a humorous take on wedding cakes.
As a general rule, I don’t have a problem with divorce. I think relationships are difficult and we all have to come up with solutions that work for us. I don’t think divorce is going to be the end of civilization, but I do wonder what’s behind this new celebration of divorce? Is it just making the best of a difficult situation? Could acknowledging the reality of divorce actually be good for marriage? What do you think?
Life-Cycles Celebrants offer meaningful and healing divorce ceremonies. The idea is not so much to celebrate the divorce as to start the healing process and show your family and friends that you are ready to move on to a new life. The ceremony might include the official change back to your maiden name and other rituals and readings about positive transition. The celebrant will present your story in a warm and sensitive way, incorporating your personal beliefs and values. You will have the final say on every word of the ceremony.
Emily VanLaeys
Life-Cycle Celebrant
I've seen stuff celebrating divorces... some of it is pretty funny. For some "celebrating" may be appropriate but I don't think it should be a new "norm." I honestly think that we don't try hard enough to fix marriages and relationships anymore... it's easier just to sign the divorce papers and Oh well maybe the next one will be better...
It seems like now a days people don't take marriage seriously because if you're not happy the easy solution is to just get a divorce. It is sad to me. I have acquaintances who weren't happy with each other before they got married and went ahead and got married and had children. Now those children are in an unhealthy situation because the parents felt like getting married was something you have to do because that is what society tells us is right.
I think that's totally disgusting. Humble yourself and show respect for what your marriage was supposed to be. Have some class and maturity. Do people party over deaths and tragedies? Divorce is a failure, not a defeat. Don't people have any real character? Everyone is so selfish!
Perhaps if we spent as much time preparing for marriage as we do for the wedding, the divorce rate in this country would be less.
No matter your feelings about divorce, the marriage ritual should be respected. The failure of that ritual is not a cause for celebration, but rather a time for reflection and healing.
Using wedding symbolism and rituals to celebrate your divorce is disrespectful. Do what you need to do to move on, but understand that using these things for your therapy is as harmful to marriage as your divorce.
Jenny
http://www.thedurttybride.wordpress.com
Absoulutely horrifying. Divorce IS a tragedy, and marriage is SUPPOSED to be something that takes hard work and sacrifice... and when it ends, it is tragic for everyone involved. What needs to happen in this culture is a new look at love and marriage. Love is a personal sacrifice, and when you marry someone you are PROMISING to love them, NO MATTER WHAT. Celebrating a divorce is just celebrating how bad you are at keeping your promises. Typical America.
I have been divorced ... I was glad to get out of that situation and there was a part of me that (personally) celebrated the opportunity for a better situation, but I certainly was not proud of getting divorced and admitting my mistake. I was young and married the wrong person for the wrong reasons, I see that now.
I don't think there is anything really wrong with divorce; people change sometimes and we all make mistakes and we should be able to get out of a bad situation. But not sure I see that as cause for public celebration and to make light of the situation. Sure some might go out and have some fun with friends as a way to get your mind off of things, but I think that is different.
I understand that things happen and divorce is sometimes a necessity. However, I also think that looking at a divorce as some sort of unavoidable reality and then celebrating it is an insult to what a marriage is supposed to represent. If people don't truly believe in respecting their vows it's very simple, don't bother to get married. Just have a big party and be done with it.
divorce is the new marriage...interesting article, marta. never been married so i can't opine on this but some good comments here. i'll even go so far as to say any marriage i'm involved in will most likely end in divorce. and this is how i think. not that i expect failure in my life (who's to say divorce is necessarily a failure?), but this is what i see for myself in my post-wedding years. ahh, life.
I am a Life Cycle Celebrant and Life Coach. In doing so, I perform various ceremonies, lots of weddings, some funerals, and am open to performing Divorce Ceremonies. But here's the deal...I wish to perform the Divorce Ceremony as a catalyst for the divorced person to begin rebuilding their life post divorce. I don't feel good about performing a "Divorce Celebration"...because, it is not a celebration...it is a difficult life transition, similar to a death, that leaves a newly single person disconnected, fragmented and expected to re-enter society as the same person, even though everything has changed. Think of it, everything changes...relationships, environment, families, finances, parenting, and often, even the spiritual home.
I believe a Divorce Ceremony can be a ritual shared by just a few close supportive friends or family members, not really shared with the ex, unless the couple are really evolved and it is fitting. In the ceremony, the divorced person is allowed to create new vows to him/herself,and, if children are involved, it can me a healing time for them as well. The divorced person could present him/herself with a new token piece of jewelry that symbolizes wholeness from wisdom learned and perhaps includes some sort of cleansing ritual, example...a letter containing the harmful, hurtful feelings of the past, then releasing them into the flames of a fireplace or burning bowl as these feelings change form into smoke. There is also a place to remember the good parts of the relationship and recognize that the marriage was born of love.
The person is allowed to re-commit to him/herself, to take the wisdom of divorce as a life lesson,a lesson that unfortunately, over 50% of married couples go through today. The hope is that there will be a new and better life, and opportunity to grow and to be whole again and hopefully be open to love again.
This is an area that needs attention...too many of us try to sweep it under the carpet of shame, where it only festers and continues subconsciously affect lives for years to come. Think of it, the word "Divorced" means separate, broken, ect...and yet that is the identity one lives with until they re-marry if ever they do. I soon will be offering workshops on this very process. I admit that in my training when we learned about divorce ceremonies, I too, found it distasteful. But, in revisiting the concept, found value, meaning and need in having some sort of closure ceremony outside the doors of the courthouse. It is more than a legal change...it is a change that touches us in the heart and soul. Cynthia Minnitti, Ceremoniesbycynthia.com
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