Mother’s Day is Sunday and all this week we’ve been taking a light-hearted look at moms. If you have a mother, or a f-m-i-l and you’re planning a wedding, chances are there’s some tension. For a mom, the wedding of a child is a wonderful event, but it can also be bittersweet. This Mother’s Day, take a little time to look at your wedding from your mother’s perspective.
Remember, in some way, this is how all of our mothers see us!
Is she trying to be helpful, only to learn all her ideas are old fashioned? Does she feel dismissed in favor of other relatives or a wedding planner? Is she helping to pay, but not getting a say? Is she worried about how your relationship will change?
Here are five suggestions for smoothing over mother/daughter wedding tension (Yes, most of them will work for mothers-in-law, too).
1) Go for a spa day together –Your wedding may be a reminder for your mom that she’s marching ever so quickly toward grandma status. Help her look her best and fight off those feelings. If all else fails, remember, it’s hard to argue while getting a facial!
2) Work on a Scrapbook together – If your mom is worried that she’s losing her little girl, gather up some photos of some of your favorite times together. Spending time together looking at these photos and organizing them can be a great way to remind her that she’s important in your life and always will be.
3) Pick a wedding detail she can control – If your mom is feeling left out of the planning, but the idea of working with her gives you hives, think about a project she could handle on her own. Could she research hotels for guests to stay in? Could she put together the goody bags for out of town guests?
4) Ask her about her own wedding – If your mom is being a little less than helpful, or a little too helpful she may still be working out issues from her own wedding. Maybe HER mother controlled her wedding and she’s scared to do the same, or determined that this time she’ll be in control. Understanding the reasons for her behavior can help you figure out how to solve the problem. Plus, talking about her wedding will take the focus off yours for a while.
5) Invite her to a group event – Inviting your mother or mother-in-law to a cake tasting, dress fitting, or to hear a band can go a surprisingly long way toward making her feel involved. Consider inviting her to a group event, something with bridesmaids, or other people outside of the family. Having other people around will keep you both on your best behavior. It will also provide you with some valuable external opinions on what’s going on with the two of you.
What’s your favorite thing to do with your mom?
(p.s. Happy mother’s day to Marcia and Becky, my own mom and m-i-l)