Now, lemme put one thing out there right away. I’ve only been married ONCE So take everything I say with that little grain of salt. But I’m of the age where I have friends who are under 40 - and on their second marriage - which btw, ain’t no thang. However, gals in this predicament seem to have very mixed feelings about getting married again - should they have a big wedding? Should they have a wedding at all? Well, there are a few different ways you can go about this. I think they’re all kind of fabulous.
But before we dive in to the myriad of options a second-time bride has, just know that whatever you choose to do in regards to the wedding, do not let anyone make you feel bad about your life decisions. There are people in this world who lack both tact, and a wide breadth of life/relationship experiences. It’s a toxic combination. Their limited insights should not have any bearing on your life’s biggest moments. (And you can tell them I said that.)
SO, fabulous second-time brides, the good news is you know what you don’t want. You know from your first wedding what was worth it, and what wasn’t. Try to look back at your first wedding through the lens of a newlywed, and not a divorcee - i.e. try to remember what you did/didn’t like about your first wedding immediately following the wedding. Don’t get tripped up by the bad kind of nostalgia, focus only on the good.
If what you remember best from your first wedding is the ridiculous stress of wedding planning, that might seem like a great incentive to elope. You’re a career gal now, and you don’t have that kind of time, nor do you want to hand off all of those responsibilities to a wedding planner. Also, you desperately need a romantic vacation - and really, is there a more romantic vacation than an ELOPEMENT?!
If you’re totally convinced with that last statement, you can just stop here. But if you sort of feel like what you really want is a SMALL, INTIMATE WEDDING, we feel you! Because you don’t really want to elope, but you don’t want to face a sea of obscure relatives for a second time, either. You sent them a thank you card for that waffle iron, and haven’t seen or heard from them since. The waffle iron broke, the marriage broke...there’s really just not that much to talk about, is there? This time around, invite only your nearest and dearest.
HOWEVER, don’t succumb to the societal expectation that "small and intimate" is what a second wedding should be, especially if what you really, really want is a BIG WEDDING! Don’t let anyone advise you to something a little more demure, just because your first marriage didn’t work out so well. You are getting MARRIED again! That is a giant reason to celebrate - so why not throw a giant celebration? Plus, you’re an adult - you don’t have to make concessions to anybody! You have your own savings account, and distinctly new and different tastes in probably everything! Why wouldn’t your 2nd celebration be a smash?
A few words of warning - don’t fall prey to the idea that you shouldn’t have some kind of wedding registry, or a shower, or an engagement party because this is your second time around the block. You are older and wiser, and better at everything, and (hopefully) you have older, wiser, and totally more fabulous friends who will absolutely want to help you celebrate this fabulous new chapter of your life. Also, don’t think you shouldn’t spring for a decent wedding photographer, just because the photos from your first marriage aren’t going to good use. If someone was writing a biography of your life, they would totally want those photos. And a few years down the line, so will you.