Decoding Your Groom: What He Says vs. What He Means

Posted by The Man Registry on January 10th, 2012

Special to OneWed by Kara Horner of TheManRegistry.com

Ever wondered: What the heck did he mean by that? Ladies, you’re not alone. Sometimes the enigmatic way a groom communicates can make a bride feel like she’s living out a scene from Inception.

Is he being candid with you or is there a hidden meaning in there somewhere? While some men are straight-shooters who always say what they mean, others can often be a bit more mysterious with their words. As a former bride and current wedding blogger, I’ve heard it all, so let me help break it down for you. When he says…

“Whatever you want.”
He likely means: “It’s up to you” or “I’ll stay on the sidelines for this one.” While hearing this well-worn phrase may start to sound like nails on a chalkboard after a while, you can rest assured that he’s truly cool with letting you take the lead on this. Sometimes a guy just wants to do whatever makes you happy. Trust me, if he had a strong opinion about it, he’d speak up.

“Do we have to have that?”
He likely means: “What is that?” Keep in mind that not all grooms (or brides, for that matter) are familiar with wedding buzzwords such as “unity candles,” “tablescapes,” “crudités” or “celadon.” Do him a solid by explaining what you’re talking about before asking for his opinion on the matter. It’s much easier to make progress when you’re both on the same page. Otherwise, he may ask you why the aisle runner can’t just walk.

“Babe, I could really care less about flower arrangements (or fill in the blank).”
He likely means: “I could really care less about flower arrangements.” There’s likely no ulterior motive here. Let’s face it; most guys probably won’t care about 100 percent of the wedding plans, such as the color of the table linens or type of flowers in the boutonnieres. But when it comes to the food and beverages you’ll be serving, the flavor of your wedding cake, or the reception band, his, uh, tune, will likely change. Just remember, while he may not care about every single wedding detail, he does care about you, so don’t take it personally.

“It’s your day.”
He likely means: “It’s all about you” or “Weddings are all about the bride anyway, right?” Red flag! While he may start to feel like the wedding planning process revolves around the bride (dresses, sashes, shoes, flowers, china!), make sure to let him know it’s his day, too. A marriage is the union of two people after all. If he’s feeling like things are becoming a bit one sided, it’s time to let him make his mark on the big day and handle some decisions, such as selecting the wedding day transportation, groomsmen attire, or reception entertainment.

“You want to do what?”
He likely means: “How much does that cost?” If you’ve decided you absolutely have to book the swankest venue in town, enlist acrobatic performers for the cocktail hour, hire a team of uber-cool mixologists, serve a 24k gold-gilded 10-tier wedding cake, and reserve a private yacht for your après-wedding transportation, you’re either a Kardashian or things may have gotten a bit out of hand. Chances are he’s trying to give you a reality check. If all of the “necessities” have blown your wedding budget to smithereens, it may be time for Plan B. Start by re-examining which items are “must-haves” and which are “would like to haves if we had all the money in the world.” Identify areas where things can be scaled back a bit and adjust your plans accordingly.

So there you have it! Clearly, what he says isn't always what he means! Next time your groom says something that makes you do a double take, refer back to this post so you can crack the code!

Posted in Tuxes and Suits


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