Ask the Wedding Maven: How Many Bridal Showers Do I Deserve?

by Marta
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Hi Wedding Maven!

I have so many friends, loved ones and 8 attendants on my side of the wedding party. Many live out of the state. My best friend/MOH and her husband want to throw me a bachelorette party, but nobody has even mentioned the idea of throwing a bridal shower or engagement party. I live in VA and my fiancée lives in WA. We got engaged back in February. The wedding is not until next June, so is it just too early for me to be concerned with this? Please let me know what you think.

Most Sincerely,
Loved but not feeling the love

Dear Loved,

Are you sure you want to know what I think?

Because I think that you’re getting a little too close to self-pitying/self-centered, drama-queen bride territory.

Here are two warning signs: You have an extended engagement to a man who lives in a different state and you have eight bridesmaids. Eight bridesmaids means a bridal party that’s expensive and unwieldy, especially since they are spread throughout the country. Unless all eight girls get along perfectly it’s an invitation to drama, hurt feelings and headaches.

The real warning sign though is that at about a year before your wedding you’re complaining that people aren’t proving their love for you by throwing enough parties in your honor.

You best friend/Matron of Honor has offered to throw you a party. That’s the party that you’re going to get. If you would prefer that you have a bridal shower or an engagement party instead of a bachelorette party, you should probably speak up now and do so politely.

Something along the lines of “Nora, thanks so much for offering to throw me a bachelorette party, but you know, I’ve always dreamed of having a more traditional bridal shower instead. Would that be ok with you?” OR “Nora, thanks so much for offering to throw a bachelorette party for me, but you know since John and I live so far apart, I think it would be great if we could have some sort of engagement party instead, that way everyone can participate. Would that be ok with you?”

Having someone throw a party for you, whether it’s an engagement party or a birthday party feels wonderful. It means that someone has gone to a lot of effort to honor you and your friendship, and that’s a special feeling. Everyone wants that feeling.

It may be that because you and your fiancé are living so far apart during a stressful time, you’re a little vulnerable and in extra need of that sort of love and attention. That’s totally normal.

What’s not normal, healthy, or acceptable is to decide that the only way you can feel those feelings is if your big group of girls throws you multiple parties. Try and remember hat you have a finacé who loves you, eight girls willing to wear a ridiculous dress on your behalf, and a best friend who wants to throw you a party.

About the Wedding Maven

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