Showers & Parties | OneWed

5 Holiday-Inspired DIY Wedding Flower Projects- Part Deux

Azure — Fri, 10 Dec 2010 10:58:17 -0500

Special to OneWed by Lisa W. for FiftyFlowers.com

We already broke down how to create 5 of the fabulous holiday-inspired DIY wedding flower projects. And today, we've got the how to's on the remaining 5!

DIY Wedding Flowers Project 6- Fresh Flower-Adorned Ring Bearer Pillow
Materials
• Small, round pillow
• Two stems Spray roses
• Straight pins
• Floral shears
Ring Bearer Pillow How-To
• Snip ten roses just below the bloom and leaving no stem.
• Arrange your roses on top of the pillow, before pinning, until you are happy with the design. We created a triad of roses spraying out.
• To secure the roses onto the pillow, insert straight pins directly into the center of the flower. Secure by pinning through the stem as well. Insert as many pins as needed to secure the blooms and your design.

DIY Wedding Flowers Project 7- Rose Petal Wedding Ceremony Aisle
Materials
• 6000 fresh rose petals or 100 cups for a 20 foot aisle.
• Aisle runner
• Double-sided foam tape
Rose Petal Aisle How-To
• Sketch out the design for your rose petal aisle. The most simple design would be to line each side of the aisle runner. Ideas for the center of the aisle are a monogram, swirls or shapes inspired by your theme.
• Roll out the aisle runner and secure to the floor with double sided foam tape.
• Begin decorating! Grab a handful of petals and create a border up each side of the aisle.
Rose Petal Aisle Top Tip- Rose petal aisle are one of the most efficient ways to decorate. You can be the designer but SAFETY FIRST! Be sure to strongly secure the aisle runner to the floor so that no one trips down the aisle.

DIY Wedding Flowers Project 8- Fragrant and Elegant Hair Flowers
Materials
• Spray Roses
• Hypericum berry
• Floral shears
• 24 gauge floral wire
• Floral tape
• Bobby pins
Hair Flowers How-To
• Snip three spray roses leaving a 3 inch stem on each.
• Cut a sprig of hypericum berry with a 3 inch stem.
• Bundle the roses and the sprig of hypericum berry in your hand and arrange so that the blooms are beautifully framed by the berries. Be sure that the blooms are lying flat and not making a round shape.
• When you are happy with the position of the flowers, secure the stems by wrapping a piece of floral wire around to secure the stems. Cut off the extra wire.
• Wrap the stems with floral tape to secure.
• Secure the bundle in the hair with bobby pins.
• To store the completed hair piece, mist with water and place in a cool room.

DIY Wedding Flowers Project 9- Mini Wedding Cakes with Fresh Flowers
Materials
• Cupcakes
• Spray roses
• Drinking Straws
• Scissors
Mini Wedding Cakes How-To
• Cut drinking straws into 1 inch lengths. Flowers can alter flavor so we use the straws to keep the stems from touching the cake.
• Cut the spray roses leaving about 1 inch of stem.
• Insert a straw into each cake.
• Insert bloom into the straw, set on a platter or stand and serve.
Mini Wedding Cakes Top Tip- If your mini wedding cakes are covered with fondant, use a crochet needle or ice pick to poke a hole before inserting the straw.

DIY Wedding Flowers Project 10- Floral Hand Binding for Wedding Ceremony
Materials
• 30” length of Decorative Rope, with or without tassels
• Two stems Spray Roses
• Moss Covered Wire
• 24 gauge floral wire sticks
• Wire cutters and floral shears
Floral Hand Binding How-To
• Cut the decorative rope to approximately 30 inch length.
• Cut the moss covered wire to the same length as the rope and then wrap the rope around the wire and secure at each end.
• Take a stem of spray roses and snip off 4 of the most beautiful open blooms you can find. Snip each just below the neck.
• Take a piece of floral wire and insert through the stem. Wrap around to secure the wire. Then trim wire to 5 inches. Repeat this for each flower.
• Attach two of the rose heads in the very center of the rope by winding the floral wire around the moss covered wire. This two flowers together will sit on top of your bound hands and symbolize the joining of two.
• Then attach a rose on each end of the rope to symbolize each of you as individuals.
Floral Hand Binding Top Tip- During the wedding ceremony, the officiant will wrap the rose to bind your hands. Choose a poem, verse or special song to play to enjoy this beautiful moment.

A special thanks to all the fabulous wedding pros who helped make this very merry photo shoot happen!
Wedding Flowers: FiftyFlowers.com
Creative Direction and Styling: Lisa Waddington, Shindig Creative
Photographer: John Unrue
Videographer, Lighting: Mark LeGrand, Pro One Video
Linens, Rentals, Desserts, Cocktail and Coffee Design: Puff ‘n Stuff Catering
Hair & Makeup: About Face
Bridal Fashion: The Collection
Groom's Tuxedo: Absolutely Fitting
Stationery Calligraphy: Samira Gast
Handmade Candy Canes: Altamarie’s Candies

Ask the Wedding Maven: Can I Disinvite a Bridesmaid?

Marta — Thu, 07 Oct 2010 09:49:43 -0400

Dear Wedding Maven,
I have a sticky situation relating to my bridesmaids. I got engaged 1 year and 3 months ago, and at that time, I asked my brother's fiancée to be one of my bridesmaids, along with my sister (as the maid of honor of course) and my fiancé's sister. I wanted to keep the number kind of small, 3 is a perfect number. However, about 6 months ago, my brother and his fiancée broke up. For about a month, no one really knew if they were going to be back together or not, but it didn't look good. So, I asked my good friend who I really wanted in my wedding anyways to be my third bridesmaid. But now, my brother and his fiancée are back together. Although my family has doubts about the strength of their relationship, my brother obviously thinks she's the one and they've been dating for the past 5 months. (Though they have no solid wedding plans and we never know if they are actually engaged) Now my wedding is going to be here in 9 months and I don't know what to do! Is it rude to retract an invitation to be a bridesmaid? I would still prefer to have only the 3 bridesmaids but I don't want to start a family rift if I ask her to no longer be a part of my wedding. I'm trying to balance both sides - for example, it would probably be pretty awkward for my brother if they do break up again and his ex is in all of my wedding pictures. I could always find a fourth groomsmen if necessary, but again, would prefer not to (and fiance prefers not to as well).

Signed
One too many

Dear One,
This is one reason I recommend that people not choose their bridesmaids shortly after getting engaged. Shortly after you get engaged you’re filled with oxytocin or serotonin or whatever hormone it is that makes you love everybody. You can get carried away and ask way too many people, or the wrong people to be in your wedding. Ideally, you shouldn’t ask anyone to be in your wedding (except maybe for your Maid of Honor, who is probably a given) until you have a good sense of what your wedding will be like, and what the budget is. Eight to ten months before the wedding is still plenty of time to ask your friends, and order dresses.

That being said, you’ve already asked four women, and four women you’re going to have. Given that there’s a strong likelihood that your brother will marry this woman, or at least that she’ll be around for a while the fall out from disinviting her is way too big to risk it.

You could approach your PFSIL (possible future sister-in-law) and in a very neutral way say something like “I’m glad you and Johnny got back together, he clearly loves you. I wasn’t sure if you were still interested in being a bridesmaid?” She may decide to bow our herself, but if not, you’re stuck.

I wouldn’t invite a fourth groomsman, unless there’s someone that your fiancé wants to include. There’s really no reason why the bridal party has to be even, and there’s the chance that Johnny and your PFSIL might break up again, then you’d be stuck finding a fourth bridesmaid to re-even things out.

I also wouldn’t worry too much about your brother feeling awkward about having his ex in your wedding pictures. Your brother probably doesn’t care that much about your wedding pictures. Seriously, when is he even going to see them? Make sure to get one or two good shots of JUST the siblings with no spouses or others so that even if they do break up again, your mom has a nice shot of her kids to hang in the living room.

By the way, excellent decision to have a small bridal party! Each additional member of the bridal party can add as much as $200 to your budget.

Good luck.

Do you need wedding advice? Do you have a question about wedding traditions, relationships or etiquette? Write weddingmaven@onewed.com for answers

About the Wedding Maven

Ask the Wedding Maven: How Many Bridal Showers Do I Deserve?

Marta — Thu, 30 Sep 2010 10:04:08 -0400

Hi Wedding Maven!

I have so many friends, loved ones and 8 attendants on my side of the wedding party. Many live out of the state. My best friend/MOH and her husband want to throw me a bachelorette party, but nobody has even mentioned the idea of throwing a bridal shower or engagement party. I live in VA and my fiancée lives in WA. We got engaged back in February. The wedding is not until next June, so is it just too early for me to be concerned with this? Please let me know what you think.

Most Sincerely,
Loved but not feeling the love

Dear Loved,

Are you sure you want to know what I think?

Because I think that you’re getting a little too close to self-pitying/self-centered, drama-queen bride territory.

Here are two warning signs: You have an extended engagement to a man who lives in a different state and you have eight bridesmaids. Eight bridesmaids means a bridal party that’s expensive and unwieldy, especially since they are spread throughout the country. Unless all eight girls get along perfectly it’s an invitation to drama, hurt feelings and headaches.

The real warning sign though is that at about a year before your wedding you’re complaining that people aren’t proving their love for you by throwing enough parties in your honor.

You best friend/Matron of Honor has offered to throw you a party. That’s the party that you’re going to get. If you would prefer that you have a bridal shower or an engagement party instead of a bachelorette party, you should probably speak up now and do so politely.

Something along the lines of “Nora, thanks so much for offering to throw me a bachelorette party, but you know, I’ve always dreamed of having a more traditional bridal shower instead. Would that be ok with you?” OR “Nora, thanks so much for offering to throw a bachelorette party for me, but you know since John and I live so far apart, I think it would be great if we could have some sort of engagement party instead, that way everyone can participate. Would that be ok with you?”

Having someone throw a party for you, whether it’s an engagement party or a birthday party feels wonderful. It means that someone has gone to a lot of effort to honor you and your friendship, and that’s a special feeling. Everyone wants that feeling.

It may be that because you and your fiancé are living so far apart during a stressful time, you’re a little vulnerable and in extra need of that sort of love and attention. That’s totally normal.

What’s not normal, healthy, or acceptable is to decide that the only way you can feel those feelings is if your big group of girls throws you multiple parties. Try and remember hat you have a finacé who loves you, eight girls willing to wear a ridiculous dress on your behalf, and a best friend who wants to throw you a party.

About the Wedding Maven

If you need wedding advice or have a question about wedding etiquette, traditions, or relationships write weddingmaven@onewed.com

Bridal Shower Recipes: A New-Fashioned Tea Party

Marta — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 14:36:13 -0400

A tea party may sound old fashioned, but it's still a great bridal shower theme. Check out some of these amazing new recipes to add a little spice to your bridal shower.

From Karter Louis of Hillbilly Tea in Louisville, Ky.

White bean and sage fritters

2 cups cooked great northern beans
3 teaspoon finely chopped fresh sage
3 garlic cloves, crushed
1 teaspoon grated lemon zest
1 tablespoon flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 egg
1/8 teaspoon white pepper
1 teaspoon salt
olive oil for deep frying

place the beans, sage, garlic, lemon zest, flour, baking powder, egg, white
pepper and sea salt in a food processor and process until very smooth.
Cover with plastic wrap and refrigerate for 1 hour.
Fill a heavy-based saucepan one-third full of olive oil and heat to 350F.
Using two spoons, shape heaped tablespoons of the mixture into a quenelles
and deep-fry, in batches, for 3-5 minutes each, turning occasionally until cooked
thoroughly end golden. Drain on a paper towel and serve hot with sage dipping sauce.

Sage dipping sauce
1 cup mayonnaise
1 tablespoon finely chopped sage
1 teaspoon powdered sugar
zest and juice of 1 lemon
salt and pepper to taste
Place all ingredients in a mixing bowl and whisk it into a smooth paste.
Keep refrigerated until served.

From Mirassou Winery:

Upside Down Peach Rhubarb Polenta Cake (pair with Reisling)

For the fruit:
2 cups (1/4-inch thick slices) ripe peaches
1 1/2 cups (1/4-inch thick slices) rhubarb
1 teaspoon lemon juice

For the cake:
1 1/3 cups all-purpose flour plus extra for cake pan
1/2 cup cornmeal
1 1/2 teaspoons baking powder
1 teaspoon table salt
1 stick (1/2 cup) unsalted butter, at room temperature plus extra for cake pan
3/4 cup granulated sugar
1/3 cup light brown sugar
1/2 cup Mirassou California Riesling or orange juice
1 tablespoon pure vanilla extract
1 tablespoon orange flower water (optional)
1 teaspoon lemon zest
3 large eggs, at room temperature

For the topping:
2 tablespoons unsalted butter, melted
1/3 cup packed light brown sugar

1. Combine peach slices, rhubarb, and lemon juice in a large nonreactive bowl, toss to coat, and set aside until juicy, at least 5 minutes.

2. Heat oven to 350°F and arrange rack in the middle. Coat a 9-inch round cake pan with butter and flour; tap out excess flour and set aside.

3. Combine flour, cornmeal, baking powder, and salt in a large bowl and whisk to combine and break up any lumps; set aside.

4. Place the butter and sugar in a bowl of an electric mixer. Beat with a paddle using a medium speed, until the butter is creamy and consistency of wet sand. Add the eggs, one at a time, mixing until fully incorporated before adding the next. Add the wine, vanilla extract, orange flower water (if using), and lemon zest and mix until airy, about 1 minute. Reduce mixer to low and add dry ingredients, little by little, and mix until just incorporated.

5. Drizzle the bottom of the cake pan with the melted butter and sprinkle sugar over the top. Arrange fruit mixture on top (including any excess juices). Spoon the batter evenly over the fruit and bake until the cake is golden brown, evenly risen, nad springs back when lightly pressed, about 40 to 45 minutes.

5. Cool in pan on a wire rack 15 minutes. Place a plate upside down on top of cake pan; invert cake onto plate. Serve warm or at room temperature.

From Elixir in San Francisco:
Ruby Chai Appeltini

Recipe per drink*
1.5 oz Square One Organic Vodka infused with Numi Organic Ruby Chai Tea
1.5 oz Organic Apple Cider infused with Numi Organic Ruby Chai Tea
.5 oz Organic Agave Nectar
1/4 organic Gala Apple

Preparation:
Cut the apple in half, just of center leaving the stem on. Then slice the core out just to the other side of the stem. Reserve core slice for garnish. Cut one quarter of the apple into pieces, removing the seeds and core. In a mixing glass, muddle into apple sauce consistency. Add Agave Nectar Square One, Cider and ice. Shake for 10 seconds and Strain up into a chilled cocktail glass. Head should be frothy and creamy. Garnish with the apple core slice on the rim or floating.

To make this drink as a one-off at home, Use 1 bag of tea per each 6 ounces of liquid, infusing the vodka cold for an hour or two and heating the cider and infusing for 3-5 minutes.

To batch prep for speedy bar service or an at-home party, prepare the two infusions as below:

Ruby Chai- infused Square One: In a mason jar or other glass sealable container add 750ml bottle of Square One and 6 bags of Numi Ruby Chai Tea. Let infuse for 1-2 hours. Remove the bags and squeeze back excess vodka. Pour the infused vodka back into a Square One bottle that has had the labels removed (infusion bottles with brand labels on them may be a legal issue in your state; check with your ABC office). Use a labeler to mark your bottle.

Ruby Chai-infused Apple Cider: Pour cider into a sauce pan and heat (try not to boil). Turn off the heat and add 1 bag of Numi Ruby Chai Tea per 6 ounces of cider. Let steep for 3-5 minutes and remove the tea bags, squeezing back any remaining liquid. Pour spiced cider into a store ‘n’ pour or other bar speed bottle (another de-labled Square One bottle looks nice).

Mixologist’s Note:
I love chai and Numi’s Ruby Chai blend with Rooibos makes for a delicious infusion agent in cocktails. The warm rich spice blends superbly with the apple and by infusing we get intense flavor with no added water. The texture of the Gala apple when muddled into sauce consistency gives this drink a velvety, viscous mouthfeel with a creamy head like a pint of Guinness. If you batch prep the infusions and the apples and this drink is really easy to prepare and serve.

DIY Wedding Cake Perfect For Any Special Occasion: Rich Red Velvet

admin — Wed, 08 Sep 2010 11:25:01 -0400

Special to OneWed by David Guas, author of DamGoodSweet

On the heels of his critically acclaimed, James Beard- and IACP-nominated cookbook, Dam Good Sweet, Desserts to Satisfy Your Sweet Tooth New Orleans Style, chef David Guas is gearing up to launch his first retail outlet, Bayou Bakery, Coffee Bar & Eatery. A nostalgic tribute to his New Orleans, Louisiana hometown, this "homey, deep South café" is opening soon in the Courthouse neighborhood of Arlington, Virginia. But until then, read on to learn how to make your very own Red Velvet Cake, down South style!

What You'll Need (recipe for one 9-inch cake)
- For the cake -
2 sticks plus 2 tablespoons unsalted butter, at room temperature
3 cups plus 1⁄4 cup all-purpose flour
1⁄2 cup Dutch-processed cocoa powder
1 1⁄2 teaspoons baking powder
1 1⁄2 teaspoons baking soda
1⁄2 teaspoon salt
1 (1-pound) box light brown sugar (about 21⁄4 cups)
3 tablespoons red food coloring
2 1⁄2 teaspoons vanilla extract
3 large eggs
1 3⁄4 cups buttermilk

- For the frosting -
1 1⁄4 pounds cream cheese, at room temperature
2 1⁄2 sticks unsalted butter, at room temperature
2 teaspoons vanilla extract
1 (2-pound) bag confectioners’ sugar (about 7 1⁄4 cups)

How To Make The Cake
Heat the oven to 350°F. Grease two 9-inch cake pans with 1 tablespoon of butter each. Add 2 tablespoons of the flour to each pan and shake the pans to coat the bottom and sides. Tap out the excess flour and set the pans aside.

Sift the remaining 3 cups of flour with the cocoa, baking powder, baking soda, and salt, and set aside.

In the bowl of a stand mixer (or in a large bowl if using a hand mixer) cream the remaining butter with the brown sugar, food coloring, and vanilla on low to combine. Increase the mixer speed to medium-high and beat until aerated and pale, about 2 minutes. Reduce the speed to medium and add the eggs, one at a time, beating thoroughly between each addition and using a rubber spatula to scrape the sides and bottom of the bowl as necessary. Reduce the speed to low and add one-third of the dry ingredients followed by half of the buttermilk. Repeat, finishing with the final third of the dry mix. Scrape down the bottom and sides of the bowl and divide the batter between the two prepared cake pans, spreading it out as evenly as possible.

Bake until a cake tester inserted into the center comes out clean and the center of the cake resists slight pressure, about 40 minutes. Cool on a wire rack for 15 minutes, and then run a paring knife around the edges of each pan to release the cake from the sides; invert the cakes onto the cooling rack. Cool for 1 hour, and then wrap each cake in plastic wrap for at least a few hours.

How To Make The Frosting
Beat the cream cheese, butter, and vanilla together in the bowl of a stand mixer (or in a large bowl if using a hand mixer) on low speed to combine. Increase the speed to medium-high and beat until aerated and light, about 2 minutes. Stop the mixer and add a few cups of the confectioners’ sugar, incorporating it into the cream cheese mixture on low speed until combined. Repeat with the remaining sugar, adding it to the mixer in two additions. Once all of the sugar is added, increase the speed to medium-high and beat until fluffy, about 1 minute.

Now It's Time To Assemble!
Unwrap the cake layers. Slice off the rounded top 1/8 inch of each cake and place the trimmed-away portion in the bowl of a food processor. Slice each cake in half horizontally (you’ll end up with 4 layers), working over a baking sheet to catch any crumb. Add the crumbs to the food processor and pulse until fine.

Place one cake layer on a cake round or large plate (make sure that the diameter of the plate is at least 1 inch larger than the cake). Use an offset spatula to evenly spread a heaping 3/4 cup of frosting on the first cake layer. Repeat with the remaining three cake layers, ending with a bottom half of a cake on top, browned-side up (so you don’t get cake crumbs in the frosting). Spread the remaining frosting over the top and sides of the cake (the sides don’t have to look perfect—you’re going to cover them with cake crumbs anyway). Gently press a handful of the reserved crumbs into the side of the cake until all of the sides are evenly coated. Refrigerate for at least 2 hours before serving.

David Guas TIP: You can make the cake layers up to 3 days in advance. The filled and frosted cake keeps for up to 3 days in the refrigerator. Let it stand at room temperature for at least 20 minutes before slicing.

The Plunge: Top Five Things Women Should Know about Lap Dances

Marta — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 09:53:30 -0400

Special to OneWed from The Plunge

Hello, ladies of OneWed. One thing we’ve found is that, when it comes to Bachelor Parties, women often are worried about something very specific: strippers. And even more specifically: lap dances.

A reader recently wrote us upset because her husband had promised her he wouldn't have a lap dance at his bachelor party. After the party, he told her he hadn't had a lap dance, but later, after they were married he admitted that he had.

She was pretty upset, and wanted to know if she had a right to be. This is what we told her:

For you--and any woman in this scenario--5 things you should know about a guy who got a lap dance in a strip bar:

1) Lap dances are (almost always) harmless.

For most guys, lap dances are a frustrating-as-hell experience. It's a tease, nothing more. With your industry-standard lap dance, even if you're single, there's zero chance of kissing the stripper, fooling around with the stripper, or sleeping with the stripper. ZERO. Yes, guys whoop and holler and fist-bump and act like asses, but the actual experience, more often that not, fails to satisfy. (To clarify: is it possible that some strippers will do much, much more for gobs of extra cash? Sure. But this goes well outside the scope of a traditional lap dance, and this is the extreme minority.) In my course as an, ah, "researcher" of these matters, I've received 50+ lap dances in my life. Number of lap dances where I kissed a stripper? Zero. Number of lap dances where I hooked up with the stripper? Zero. There's nothing--nothing--beyond a make-believe quickie dance.

2) Strippers care about his wad of cash, not his wad.

We can't blame you. When you close your eyes and visualize this nightmare scenario, you're imagining this sultry vixen staring at your man, hungrily, lustily, desiring him and arousing him. Nope. It's an act. The stripper has one mission: get paid. (And who can fault her?) So when she twirls on the pole, she scans the room for the best marks. She didn't find your husband hot. She didn't want him. She wasn't trying to seduce him or give you competition. If she saw him in the parking lot, she wouldn't even make eye contact. For her, this was business--the lap dance is the stripper's TPS report.

3) Fact: Right or wrong, for the bulk of mainstream bachelor parties, a lap dance is par for the course.

Regardless of the merits of the argument, this is most Dude Logic: at the movies, you buy popcorn; at football games, you get beers; at a bachelor party, you get a lap dance. It just is. In his mind, therefore, he wasn't breaking any sacred trust--he was following the mainstream. Now, granted, you had an understanding that you didn't like strip bars, but you said this issue was discussed "before [you] started dating," and could plausibly exclude bachelor parties. He was wrong. No question. But in terms of "degrees of wrongness," this is much, much, much more understandable than if he actually cheated on you. Which, by any conventional standard, he didn't.

4) It was wrong for him to lie. Hold him accountable.

Like most political scandals, the cover-up is worse than the crime. The lap dance itself, while ugly and unfortunate, is not, in our book, a federal offense. Lying about it? Tougher to defend. And the fact that he lied about it, frankly, undercuts his argument that "everybody's doing it!" Let's face it: if he really, reeeeaaaly thought you were cool with it, he would have told you. Fail. And it's a fair question to ask him... if he would lie about this, what else would he lie about? That said...

5) Put the lie--and the dance--in perspective.

The lie he told was the kind of lie an 8-year-old tells his parents about whether he finished his homework. He knows he should have finished his vocabulary quiz, but he doesn't think it's that big a deal, and he doesn't want to face the consequences. It's childish. But it's not criminal.

So. Let's summarize. He thought it wasn't that big a deal, but he still knew you'd be pissed, so he told what (in his mind) was a white lie. You have every reason to be irritated. You have the moral high ground. Here's the catch... you start to cede the moral high ground if you have a disproportionate reaction, if you explode, if you never ever let this go. He screwed up, sure. But he didn't do something SO UNBELIEVABLY AWFUL that warrants months and months of wrath.

Talk to him about the importance of trust. Tell him that he let you down, that in the future, if anything like this ever happens again, you'd want to know the truth, and you'd want to hear it from him, not his drunken buddy.

And after that? Move on. Put this behind you. Exercise clemency. And enjoy your marriage.

Ask the Wedding Maven: Another Look at Potluck Receptions

Marta — Wed, 02 Jun 2010 21:30:28 -0400

Dear Wedding Maven,
I have a question that I am very wishy washy about. I am having a small wedding on the beach. My father and my fiancé’s mother will be the only people attending. We were going to have dinner afterwards and send out announcements with pictures. My fiancé and I are paying for everything, finances are tight and I couldn't ask someone to help with my financial needs.

I know some family will be disappointed that there wasn't a celebration or that they were not invited. I am really not trying to upset anyone, I just don't have the funds to have the wedding of my dreams, and think it's ridiculous that I would need to wait to marry the person I love in order to please everyone else.

When I told my father of the plans he said to let him know when and he would most definitely be there. My father lives with my aunt and when she heard she called me and said I had to do a reception. I told her I couldn't afford it. She said to just do a potluck and that my family wouldn't mind, that they want to be able to celebrate. So regardless if its a potluck or not it is still more money I have to come up with. I came to terms with that but a potluck seems kind of tacky. I am still thinking we will have our beach wedding with only our parents and send out announcements stating there will be a reception later.

But what do you think about the whole potluck reception set for a later date? I can't make up my mind. I wasn't planning on doing anything, but I don't want to upset our family and friends. It's really hard for me to get out of the thought 'You want us to have it you throw it because we don't have the money'. I mean I can probably afford like a place to have it and a dj, but the food for that many people no way! I just need another opinion.

Thank you,
Ms. Wishy Washy

Dear Wishy Washy
Congratulations on your upcoming wedding, and on your sensible attitude about having a reception you can afford.

As I’ve said before, I’m not a huge fan of potlucks but mainly because I think the term is overused.

Traditionally, a potluck is a community event, something where everyone participating has the same stake in the event. Book club meetings, church meetings, casual get-togethers, and family dinners.

To me, this is very different than hosting an event where you are asking people to come and help you celebrate a specific event or occasion in your life. If you get to make all the decisions and people are coming to honor you (and bring you gifts), they shouldn’t also be asked to bring their own food.

That being said, I think the idea could work here. If your aunt is right and your family really does want to celebrate your wedding as a family, then there’s no reason they can’t throw a party for you. Since they're throwing the party, and it only includes family and a few friends, it becomes a family event. I would say to your aunt “Joe and I aren’t planning on having a reception, but if you and the other aunts wanted to throw a party for us after the wedding, we would love it and consider it a wonderful gift.”

The key here though is that this is not your wedding reception. This is a party your family is having for you, and as such, the hosts get to make the decisions on food, decorations, invitations, etc. Obviously they’ll ask for your input, but since they’re throwing the party, they’re in charge.

It may be that this isn’t what your aunt has in mind at all, that what she really wants is for you to have a party and she’ll bring some pasta salad. If that’s the case, then you need to decide whether or not you want to have a party. Don‘t have a reception because you don’t want to upset others, do it because it’s something you’d like to do. If you do want a reception, you should stick with your original thought of only having the party YOU can afford to throw. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with wedding cake and punch in someone’s backyard as a wedding reception.

Do you need wedding advice? Do you have a question about wedding etiquette, traditions or relationships? Write the Wedding Maven at weddingmaven@onewed.com.

About The Wedding Maven

The Plunge: Why Grooms Should Stay away from Bridal Showers

Marta — Thu, 20 May 2010 10:26:08 -0400

Special to OneWed from The Plunge

[editor's note: The views expressed herein are totally those of a uninformed guy, really, he's never been to a bridal shower! But, his main point that grooms shouldn't go, is still a good one.]

You know how you get with your buddies? Those times when you devolve, caveman-style, into a locker-room mentality of guzzling six-packs? It’s part of who you are, but you’d never, ever let your fiancée see you like this. It would embarrass you, embarrass her, and make her question your sex appeal.

Think of the Bridal Shower as a woman’s version of the Gym Locker Room. It’s unbecoming. It’s embarrassing. And if you witness this freak show, you will find the entire female gender less attractive.

There. Does that tell you everything you need to know about Bridal Showers?

[You]: No. Not even close. What are they, exactly?

They’re usually hosted by the Maid of Honor. And the Bridal Shower’s purpose—long outdated—is to provide you and your bride with even more gifts so that you can start your new life together.

Huh. Well that doesn’t sound so bad.

Wait. There’s a catch. Unlike the wedding gifts, which people send via registry, here the women all sit together, gawking and fawning, as they huddle around each and every gift. It’s awkward. It’s tacky. And since these gifts came from your registry, it’s obvious to everyone in the room how much each person paid. It’s crass.

It still doesn’t sound that bad.

Estrogen, shrieking, and fake-laughing. Imagine being strapped to a chair and forced to watch First Wives Club, Divine Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, Sex and the City, and every episode of Desperate Housewives on a continuous loop for 96 hours.

Okay, so what are my responsibilities?

To avoid attendance.

Wait, why would I have to go? Isn’t this a lady’s-only thing?

In the old days, yes. Now? In our increasingly complex world, more and more grooms are getting dragged to these hen-fests. The ladies think it’s just adorable for you to show up and make a cameo. Only agree if you’re the kind of guy who also enjoys getting pedicures and joining the ladies for Sunday shopping trips.

Gotcha. How do I get out of this?

If your fiancée asks you to come, you can try and wiggle out of it, but your lame excuse won’t work. Unless…

Unless what?

Unless you get bold. You need to make a preemptive strike. You should proactively bring this up. Fight fire with fire. And enlist the help of your groomsmen.

How?

As soon as you catch word of a bridal shower, tell your fiancée that your best man wants to have a “Groom’s Dinner” on the day of their bridal shower.

Interesting. But how’s that different from the Bachelor Party?

In the same way a Bridal Shower is different from the Bachelorette Party. It’s completely different. The Groom’s Dinner is simply a low-key way for you to bond with your groomsmen: shoot some hoops, drink some beer, play some cards. Nothing wild and crazy. (Also: don’t let them pay for your dinner. There will be plenty of that at the bachelor party. This is simply an excuse, nothing more.)

That just might actually work.

Trust us. If you’re proactive with the idea, it’s the perfect excuse and it makes you seem all extra gung-ho for wedding crap.

The Plunge: Why Strip Clubs Are Boring (Written by a Straight Dude, Honest)

Marta — Wed, 05 May 2010 16:45:08 -0400

Special to OneWed from The Plunge

This isn't a moral argument. This isn't about whether the pole demeans women, sends the wrong message, or sets our nation back a century. That's a legitimate question, but it's not the one I'm asking.

And this isn't a "cheating" argument. This isn't about whether the pole crosses a line, betrays your girlfriend, or sets your marriage back a decade. That's also a legitimate question, but it's not the one I'm asking. (Aside: we answer it here.)

Nope. I'm not on a crusade. I'm no moralist. This is simply about raw, physical, selfish pleasure. And here's my problem with strip clubs: I'm bored.

You wouldn't think that's the case. I like nipples, especially when they're on women, and especially when they're twirling in my face. I like watching naked women dance. And, yes, I like it when toned, glistening, slinky blondes grind into my crotch. In the ledger of life's activities, these all fall in the "Pro" column.

Strip clubs have plenty more that I should enjoy. I like attention. I like classic rock. I like places that are open 24 hours (except laundromats and prisons.) I like free bowls of pretzels. I like spending money in unwise, unfulfilling, unbecoming ways. (See also: gambling, alcohol, tapas restaurants.)

But I don't like strip clubs. This puzzles me. This even angers me. What's wrong with me?

After a gauntlet of bachelor parties that have spanned two countries, three time zones, nine cities, forty friends, and a small ocean of liquor, I think I've finally cracked my issue: she's not into me.

I don't buy the act. I know that when Destiny is dancing, she's scanning the crowd for the dude with the largest stack of bills. When Destiny gives me a lap dance, she looks deep in my eyes and hopes that I will give her $100 for a trip to the VIP room. (I never do.) When Destiny spread-eagles down the pole, she's calculating how many tips she needs in the next four hours to guarantee her next month's rent. And I don't blame Destiny. If I'm her I do the same thing.

Call me a prude, but for me, any sexual activity needs to have at least one basic precondition: reciprocal interest. If I know the woman isn't into me--faking a smile while tucking twenties into her bra--it shatters the illusion, it breaks the spell. I overthink it. And it's a deal-breaker.

How is this different from porn? When you read magazines or watch DVDs, generally, the girls in the tv aren't secretly in love with you, but it's still (sometimes) kinda hot. How can I like one but not the other? I don't know. But it just feels different. With porn, it's explicit that she's in a broken down LA trailer, you're in your office cubicle bedroom. With porn, the "acting" is explicit. With porn, the lie is accepted and understood. With a stripper? It's an awkward no-man's land. She's acting like she's interested in me--me!--but she's not, at all, which neuters the tease.

(Note to anyone thinking about getting me this as a birthday present: for all these reasons, I don't think I'd be into a hooker.)

Why bring this up? Two reasons.

One: In a Plunge poll, 61%--over half!--of guys say that their bachelor parties wouldn't involve strippers. 61%. These guys all have their reasons, too. And now I wonder if I'm not just the singular weirdo, but part of some secret silent majority.

Two: The reason that I don't like strip clubs is, paradoxically, precisely the reason why brides can feel safe(ish) about their grooms visiting Destiny. It's all fake. It's boring. It's less like meeting real women and more like seeing a movie.

Wait. I'm leaving out the one thing that I do like about strip clubs: the male camaraderie. Seriously. Yes, yes, I know this sounds like the preposterous "I read it for the articles!" cop-out, and you're right to be skeptical, but it's true. You'd think it'd be a little creepy when you awkwardly watch your buddy get his face slapped by a pair of DDs, but, oddly, it's more funny than creepy or even sexy. So there you have it. The main upside: comic relief.

I'll go to more bachelor parties, I'll go to more strip clubs, and I'm sure I'll get more lap dances. I won't dread the experience but I won't relish it, either.

And I suspect I'm not alone.

The Plunge: Stripper-Free Bachelor Parties

Marta — Wed, 21 Apr 2010 14:36:01 -0400

Special to OneWed from The Plunge

It’s the truth. Not all guys like strippers. Odds are also good that for whatever reason, in his heart of hearts, the groom doesn't even want to go there, not for his bachelor party, not with wedding just weeks away.

Also, frankly, it’s kind of played out, kind of a cliché. You can do better. You can get more creative. In addition to the ho-hum routine of pole-dancing and beer, consider mixing it up with the following:

1. Hunt. Especially for guys who don't usually go hunting—it's a wacky adventure. 10 guys. 10 guns. 10 cases of beer. What could go wrong?

2. Play poker. Perfect for a lean budget. Grill steaks, get beer from a cheap grocery store, and play Texas Hold 'Em with a $20 buy-in.

3. Camp. Swigging beers around the campfire—stars in the sky, clear air, no Blackberries—is just the right contrast to the madness of wedding planning.

4. Golf. But only if the groom actually—you know—likes to golf. Otherwise it feels forced, rote, and awkward. If someone influential eagerly suggests, "Hey guys—let's do golf!" others might feel obligated just out of peer pressure. Feel out the groom's honest interest-level.

5. Taste whiskey. This ain't cheap. But arranging your own private "tasting" at a posh whiskey bar—like any of these in New York—lets you class-up an ordinary bar experience.

6. Take a road trip. Ideally, to someplace fun and quirky, like Graceland, Atlantic City, or the Baseball Hall of Fame.

7. Herd cattle. Think: City Slickers. Yep, you can actually book this kind of "working vacation" where you live like cowboys.

8. Kill each other. Virtually. If your group is into video games, a weekend of Halo, Grand Theft Auto, or Madden could be the perfect (if nerdy) way to relieve stress. If you do this, just lie to other friends and tell them you hit a strip-club.

9. Ski. The Plunge's favorite bachelor parties are the ones that incorporate both rugged outdoors and drunken revelry. Skiing fits the bill: a few runs on the slopes, a few bourbons in the lodge. Bonus? Ski bunnies.

10. Rent a beach house. When enough guys chip in, renting a house is cheaper than hotels, gives you an Old School-type vibe, and increases the odds that the groom, at some point, will vomit. Which is the goal of every good bachelor party. (Unless, of course, the bachelor party is the night before the wedding. Which you would never schedule, right?

11. Play paintball. Only two rules: 1) You have to let the groom's team win. 2) You can't let the groom know that you're letting him win.

12. Go white water rafting. Plenty of organizations now offer multi-day, pre-planned, guided rafting trips that require no knowledge, experience, or sobriety.

13. Fish. Maybe. Obviously, this depends on the personality of the groom. Some guys will find it boring—profoundly so—to stare, for hours and hours, at a tranquil sea of water. He'll get enough of this tedium in marriage.

14. Taste cigars. Splurge on a swanky cigar lounge and smoke cigars that you would never, ever ordinarily justify buying. If not now, when?

15. Skydive. Most guys want to go skydiving...but never do because of the eye-popping cost. (Hundreds of dollars for only a few minutes fun—it's a worse $/minute ratio than Tiger Woods' mistress.) Like cigar tasting, you might as well live it up now.

16. Take in a game. If you can swing it, get box seats. If you can't, just get really, really drunk. Either way, pony up the cash to get seats you would never usually afford.

17. Rent dirt bikes. Or dune buggies, ATVs, or anything else that provides at least a 13% chance of death.

18. Feast on steak. Maybe your group has tons of dough but can't find a weekend to all get away. No problem: rent a limo and go for a steak dinner. Especially if this is not the kind of lifestyle your groom is used to, this will make him feel like royalty.