Wedding Planning | OneWed

12 Ideas to Incorporate Charity into Your Wedding

Azure — Mon, 02 May 2011 19:12:27 -0400

Special to OneWed by The Charity Wedding, named Best Blog for a Cause in OneWed's Best Wedding Blogs 2011 competition!

There are a few short moments after you get engaged of pure happy bliss. And then you start the actual wedding planning... and stress begins to flood your mind. That's how it was for me anyway and why I came to the conclusion that I'd have to tweak the process to successfully plan my wedding. I’ve never enjoyed being the center of attention and while I love weddings, I found myself unable to get excited about all the details when I not only saw the cost of such items but came to the realization that all of this was for one day... just for us.

I truly believe that a wedding should reflect the couple and while some couples chose to do that through flowers, décor, or their attire, we did this by making our wedding about more than just ourselves. We determined that the best way to have the wedding of our dreams would be to help others through the process both by raising awareness and money for various causes. What started as a crazy idea turned into an amazing process that motivated us to give more, introduced us to new non-profit organizations, and opened our eyes to all the ways other couples could give back just by committing to make selections that they would make anyway, that could do more for others.

Incorporating charity into weddings is a relatively new trend and I am excited to be able to share all the ways that you could bring a little good will into your day with little to no sacrifice on your part!

1. Wedding Registries: This is one of the most popular and well known ways to give back. In today’s world many couples already live together, have a house full of things, and really don’t need to register for new toasters and china. Organizations like the I Do Foundation allow you to not only to create charity registries but also to register with common retailers like Target who will donate a portion of any items bought through the I Do Foundation wedding registry, at no additional expense to your guests.

2. Wedding Vendors: Several vendors donate all or a portion of their proceeds to a charity. While some will make this public, others may not so it might be a good idea to ask wedding vendors when you meet with them. Shoot for Change is photography company that donates their proceeds to charity and over $56,000 has been raised so far. Imagine the impact that is having on non-profits!

3. Attire: Organizations like Brides Against Breast Cancer or dress shops like The Bridal Garden both sell wedding dresses and use part or all of the proceeds to help their respective causes. Grooms can get in on the action too by wearing Tom’s Shoes or seeking out companies and organizations that donate to charity- like these ties from Mountain and Sackett that benefit Autism research.

4. Goods: Even wine can benefit charity if you purchase from One Hope Wine! While it may take a little extra effort and research to find companies that use some of their funds for the good of others it will help counteract that buyer’s remorse just a bit!

5. Details: Consider raising awareness by using different charities as your table numbers, selecting colors based on specific charities (red for heart disease, blue for autism, purple for cystic fibrosis) and then tell your guests a little about it in the program. My bridesmaids and I wore red shoes to bring awareness to heart disease (the number one killer of women in this country) and we even asked female guests via our wedding invitation to do the same.

6. Paper goods: The I Do Foundation even has a partnership with an invitation company. They will donate a portion of your wedding invitation sales to charity at no extra cost to you.

7. Postage: The post office sells stamps that benefit various charities. Instead of opting for a wedding related stamp or something else, ask what cause related stamps they have on hand.

8. Flowers: Consider donating leftover wedding flowers to local nursing homes or hospitals. Some places have restrictions on what can be brought in so try to arrange this in advance.

9. Food: If you have leftover food consider arranging to drop off anything extra at a local homeless shelter.

10. Favors: Skip the little mementos with your wedding date one them, that let’s face it, no one really wants and opt to make a donation in your guests honor instead. Guests are not coming to your wedding to get a gift and I can promise you they won’t miss it! If you do want to give them something search for a little something from an organization that gives back like Emily’s Edibles or Truffles for a Cause.

11. Cake: Wedding cakes are gorgeous but one of the costs I had the hardest time swallowing. Luckily there are bakeries like Cakes for A Cause that give back through your wedding cake purchase!

12. Honeymoon: Yes, even your honeymoon can be charitable! A portion of travel booked through the I Do Foundation will go to charity and companies like Sandals even have their own non-profit organizations so you know that while it may not translate directly, they do use some of their profits for good in the community that their resorts are located in.

Overall with just a slight shift in perspective and perhaps a bit more effort, you can bring charity into several aspects of your wedding. The most important thing you can do is simply ask if your vendors make any charitable contributions from their proceeds or even if they are actively involved with any charities. You just may inspire them to give back too! In the end the day will be beautiful, guests will have an amazing time, you will be married and you will know that along the way you helped change the lives of others.

Wedding Registry Top Tips

Azure — Tue, 01 Mar 2011 10:32:03 -0500

1. Register Early: As soon as you announce your engagement, friends and family will start purchasing wedding gifts for you and your groom. It's totally acceptable, etiquette-wise, to start registering once he's popped the question. And remember that many guests will look to your registry for pre-wedding (engagement party, bridal shower) purchases. Like the saying goes, the early bird catches the worm. Make sure to create registries at your favorite stores and add those must-have items asap so you can get everything on your wish list.

2. Create Multiple Registries: Don't put all your eggs in one basket! Create registries at 2 to 4 of your favorite stores. Having more than one registry will give your wedding guests the variety they're hoping for.
*Special tip- If possible, one of the places you register at should have a brick and mortar store located near where the majority of your wedding guests reside.

3. Cover Your Bases: Since you should have multiple registries, make sure the stores you choose have unique product offerings. Don't register at Macy's, Lord & Taylor, and Sears. Instead, choose your favorite department store, a kitchen store and a home goods store.

4. Check Your Inventory: Make a list of the things that you and your fiance already have and what you'll be keeping. Taking stock will help you determine what types of items should be at the top of your wedding registry list. You might also be surprised at how much you guys already have when you combine forces.

5. Include Your Groom: Include your groom throughout the registry process. Sure, the wedding day is all about you. But the wedding gifts are all about creating the perfect newlywed nest! Make sure your fiancé has a say and gets a few of his must-have items on your wedding registry.

6. Let Your Registry Reflect Your Lifestyle: What things do you and your fiance really love? Is cooking one of your passions? Do you entertain a lot? When you do entertain, is it a casual or fancy affair? Make sure to register for items that you'll really put to use, not just those 'traditional' registry items. If you can't imagine serving guests on shi shi China, then don't add fine China to your registry. Just like your wedding day, your registry should reflect you.

7. Stay On Top Of It: ... and update your registries often! As a wedding guest, there's nothing worse than checking out a registry and finding nothing but napkin rings and towels left to purchase. As guests knock off items from your registry list, you'll want to add new products to keep things exciting and add variety.

8. Go Room to Room: With all the gorgeous registry options for fine China, crystal stemware and sterling silver flatware, it's easy to lose site of the big picture. Make sure your kitchen and dining room aren't the only places getting some registry love. Your bedroom is just as important... :)

9. Hit All Price Points: Add inexpensive items and pricey items to your wedding registry. By this point in your life, you know what types of gifts to expect from certain people. We all have those beyond-generous family members who spoil us rotten and those frugal friends who have money but won't spend it.
*Special tip- Determine three appropriate price points (<$75, $75-$150, $150+), and register for an equal number of items in each price range.

10. Don't Mention On Your Invites: One of the most common registry questions in the book is, "Can I include registry info on my save-the-dates and/or wedding invitations?" And the answer is NO! Believe me, I've heard some good arguments justifying why it makes sense for that bride to include her registry on her invites. But the bottom line is that it's a tacky thing to do. Instead, include the URL for your wedding website on your save-the-date.

Pick the Right Wedding Photographer in 8 Simple Steps

Azure — Tue, 22 Feb 2011 18:29:04 -0500

Special to OneWed by David Sheppard-Brick of Photos by DSB

Step 1- The pickup line: Picking the right photographer is kind of like falling in love. If you’re planning a wedding, falling in love is a subject you should know something about. When you first saw your fiance, something about them caught your eye. You thought, “Wow, how can I get them to talk to me.”

Picking the right photographer is sort of similar, except it’s pretty easy to get a photographer to talk to you. A professional will even travel some distance without any sort of commitment to get you to hire them. Back in the bar, something about the photographer's work has caught your eye: the style they shoot in, the way they frame their shots or the way they capture the perfect moment in time. Keep that in mind.

Step 2- Ask them out for drinks: Now comes the more difficult part: the first date. Some people know if they have chemistry with someone after just one date. When you’ve narrowed down your list of wedding photographers, (I’d suggest no more then five) it's time to meet. Chances are you’re probably only going to meet with a photographer once before you hire them, so you have to make it count.

Your husband or wife-to-be may have been awkward at first, but once they became comfortable around you, it all fell into place. You don’t have that opportunity with photographers and as it turns out, that’s a good thing. The photographer is often the unofficial wedding organizer, and of course they pretty much run the photo-session. They should make you feel comfortable right away. They should be friendly and instantly warm to anyone. The little known secret about photographers is the best ones get the best photos because people are instantly comfortable around them. It makes the posed pictures less stiff looking, and the candid’s more genuine.

Step 3- Find out if you’re compatible: Heisenberg says that whatever you study you change. But a good photographer can limit this as much as possible by blending into the background by making people feel comfortable with their presence. You want a photographer that isn't in the way of your wedding guests, but at the same time, isn't sulking around the outskirts of the party, awkwardly trying to get photos. This is guaranteed to creep out your guests.

Step 4- Talk about you: The general rule on first dates is to try and get the other person to talk as much as possible. The rule is the exact opposite when meeting a photographer. Chances are good that you both have busy schedules, so get right down to business.

So what do you talk about? A good photographer wants to know what you want. They’ve been to more weddings in the past year then you have in your entire life, but that does not mean they know you. Yes, they could probably photograph your wedding satisfactorily without any instruction from you. That’s why you are hiring a professional. When I sit down with a client for the first time, my first question is always “What’s the most important thing you want photographed?” I ask that because it gives me a sense of where the couple is coming from. This piece of information can set the direction for the whole meeting.

Step 5- Figure out what you want from your photographer: If you don’t know what you want in terms of pictures, start by telling the photographer details about the wedding. Date and wedding venue are important, but also describe the overall feel or vibe. What’s your wedding color palette? Is the ceremony inside or outside? How big is the wedding party? How many wedding guests? A good photographer will be able to take all this information and figure out what it is you’re really looking for. I often ask couples how they met, or their favorite story about themselves. Remember, it’s a first date, but it’s also an interview so a good photographer is going to try and get you to talk about you as much as possible.

Step 6- Do judge a book by its cover: You hire a photographer because of the way their photos look. Education and training are good, but not enough. I’ve learned more on the job then in any seminar or lecture. Let the photographers work speak for itself. Ask to see a collection of photos from just one wedding, not a mix of shots from different weddings. There should be 40+ photos that the photographer can show you from a single wedding. If they can’t or won’t, this is a red flag. If you like what you see then it's time to talk turkey.

Step 7- Decide the most you can spend and ask for the bill: Wedding photography can cost anywhere between about $1,000 and $10,000. There’s no good rule of thumb on how much to pay. If you find a photographer you love, it’s worth paying for them if it won't put you in debt. If you don’t have the money, then keep looking, but don’t expect to pay less then $1000 and get quality work. Also, when you talk price make sure you ask about printing rights. Have them explain what is included in the quote they give you. Some photographers charge a low rate for the wedding, but you have to buy all the albums and prints form them, which can be very pricy. Make sure that you are getting everything you want for the price you are paying.

And unlike a first date, you know who’s going to be picking up the check. Photographers think long and hard about what price point they need to charge to stay in business. When they give you a quote, don't haggle. Take a deep breath and remember, “You get what you pay for.” Be prepared to spend 10% of your wedding budget on your photographer. Twenty years from now the only thing you will remember about your wedding day will be the pictures. This is not a place to cut corners.

Step 8- Talk it over and take the plunge: So now the dates over, you've got their number and the ball is in your court. Sit down with your future spouse and talk it out. Decide which photographer gives you that warm feeling in your stomach. If you’re in love, you’ll be ready to propose…to hire them.

Book the Best Wedding Vendors with 6 Simple Tips

Azure — Mon, 31 Jan 2011 09:44:06 -0500

He finally asked. You said yes. You’ve shared the news with your family, friends, and the world of Twitter and updated your Facebook status to engaged. Now the fun part begins – the wedding planning! You’ve bought every bridal book in town, subscribed to 50 wedding blogs (including OneWed’s Savvy Scoop bridal blog), and have asked those close to you for recommendations on wedding vendors. But how can you find quality vendors, within your budget, that are perfect for your unique event? Keep reading.

1. Hire a wedding planner if your budget allows! In addition to helping manage your time and stress levels, they’re one of your best resources for finding good vendors. Their reputation depends on your happiness with how the wedding turns out, so they shouldn’t recommend an unprofessional or second-rate vendor. And while hiring a wedding planner isn’t cheap, they can often leverage their connections to get you deals, which could mean better vendors for you while keeping within your budget.

2. Meet with a minimum of three of each type of vendor, and never sign a contract at the initial meeting. Sure, your best friend’s cousin’s dog sitter used them and loved them, but that doesn’t mean they’re the best fit for you. Meet with a few and then take some time to compare and contrast at home. Make sure they fit your style, budget and personality better than any other vendor before you sign with them.

3. Don’t waste time asking a vendor for a referral. When you apply for a job, would you ever give a bad reference? Then why would a vendor give you less-than-perfect referrals? If you have the time, feel free to follow up with referrals, but you aren’t going to get much insight from them. So how do you know they’ll be good if you don’t ask for referrals? Check out our next tip.

4. Google Stalk!! You did it with your fiancé when you first started dating, now it’s time to do it with your vendors. Get the real scoop on what former clients think on the web. OneWed’s Local Wedding Vendor Directory is a great place for this; newlyweds come to OneWed to post ratings and reviews (just like Yelp!) on the vendors they hired. Many a bride has been saved from hiring a shady vendor thanks to our honest reviews from past brides. Once you’ve seen the bad and the ugly, check out the top-rated wedding vendors in your local area. But don’t just stop there! See what others are tweeting, blogging and posting too.

5. Make sure you like the person as well as the service, especially for vendors who will be present at the wedding (photographer, videographer, DJ, etc). Your wedding photographer and videographer will be with you throughout the day, and you’ll be listening to the DJ for most of the reception. Make sure you like them and that they make you feel comfortable, that way they’ll contribute to the enjoyment of your wedding day journey.

6. Organization is key once you’ve started meeting with potential vendors, and our Wedding Vendor Manager lets you keep track of them all. Bookmark your favorites as you search, and keep important notes (price quotes, follow-up dates, etc.) once you meet with each vendor.

Ask the Wedding Maven: Should Co-Workers Be on My Wedding Guest List

Marta — Thu, 23 Sep 2010 10:07:26 -0400

Dear Wedding Maven,

I need your advice regarding inviting co-workers! I know most people say that unless you socialize with them outside of work, you should not invite them, but I work for a small company and have become quite close to a couple of people. If I invite just a couple, then there are several that will get extremely upset (high school behavior in 40-plus year olds!). But I also feel that if I don't invite my "friends" then they will feel slighted. I did ask a coworker what she thought, and she said it might look as if I'm fishing for gifts - which I absolutely am not. These people are just fun, crazy people to hang out with. Help, please!!

Thanks!!
Worker Bee

Dear Worker Bee,
It’s funny that you mention high school because so much of what we feel in high school doesn’t really go away.

No one wants to feel unpopular, no one wants to feel left out and no one wants to feel like they’re being used. The difference is that as we grow older we hopefully learn to take things a little less personally. We understand that not everyone can be included in every event. We hopefully also learn that being mean isn’t necessary, that other people’s feelings are as important as are own, that some thoughts are better left unsaid and that you can’t please everyone.

The best rules of thumb for this situation are those that you learned long before high school, way back in grade school with birthday parties. If you’re inviting half or more of the class, you should invite everyone. If you aren’t inviting everyone don’t distribute the invitations at school. If you aren’t inviting everyone then no birthday talk at school.

It sounds like although your co-workers are “fun, crazy people to hang out with” that you don’t actually spend time with them outside of the office. If that’s the case, then your coworker is right, getting an invitation to your wedding when you’ve never even been out for drinks may strike some people as a gift grab. But this is one of those times when you really can’t please everyone. People who want to think poorly of you will do so, no matter what you do.

Assuming that the company is larger than six people, if you really are talking about just two or three people with whom you are friends outside of work, then yes, go ahead and invite them (and your boss, really, you should).

No matter what your decision, the best way you can prevent both hurt feelings and appearing unprofessional is by making sure that your wedding is not a topic of office conversation. Don’t solicit opinions on your hair, menu, or guest list. Don’t do your planning at work, and try and deflect questions with vague answers that stress how small your wedding is.

Keep the drama, stress and worry to a minimum and others will follow suit.

Do you need wedding advice? Do you have a question about wedding etiquette, traditions or relationships? Write weddingmaven@onewed.com

About the Wedding Maven

Ask the Wedding Maven: Can I Get Married the Same Month as My Friend?

Marta — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 10:43:16 -0400

Hi.
I recently got engaged, about 2 weeks ago. For the past 10 years, after going to my first Christmas wedding, I have wanted to have a Christmas wedding. My fiance and I both love Christmas, and think it is such a special and joyous time of year that we felt it is a perfect time for us to get married.

I have already been in 2 weddings this year, and my fiancé one, plus we have had tons of wedding showers, 2 of our other close friends have gotten engaged, etc… so there has been a lot going on. My fiancé was originally planning on proposing earlier this year, but a shower, another friend’s engagement or wedding, has always come up, and he wanted to wait, and not steal away from anyone else’s time.

We tried to plan a wedding for this Christmas, but we were not able to get either of our churches, or our top two reception sites. We also have a large guest list and our parents thought it would be better for us to wait until next year.

One of my best friends is getting married on New Years Eve 2010/2011. I am a bridesmaid in her wedding, and she is in mine. Originally, when I mentioned having my wedding in December of 2011, my friend freaked out and said no. She said that she wants the whole month of December to be about her and her wedding.

Later, I heard from our mutual friends how she felt bad about that, and so I assumed that she was okay with it. But, again, after talking with her, she does not want us to get married next December. She feels that I am not considering her feelings by doing this.

My groom and I tried to think of other dates, like April or May, but he is in a wedding April 30th and May 14, so we felt like that would be too much, and we don’t want the traditional summer wedding, or to get married during football season. And actually talking about a December wedding made me get really excited! Having a Christmas wedding is my dream wedding, and a lot of friends have told me that since you only get married once, that you need to do what you want, and not try to please everyone.

We originally wanted December 17th, but because of my friend’s wedding agreed on December 3rd or 10th, depending on what is available, which would still be 3 to 4 weeks ahead of her wedding. I told her that she could pick all of her shower dates, parties, bachelorette parties, etc… first, and I will plan mine around that. I don’t care about that stuff, but that having a Christmas wedding is so important to me.

She still doesn’t understand, and I feel like I’m trying to be so understanding and compromising to her, but that she isn’t taking my feelings into consideration. Am I wrong? Thanks!

Signed
Christmas Bride

Dear Christmas Bride,

Your friend may very well want all of December 2011 to be about her, but she’s going to have to share it. There are several important holidays that month, and I for one will also be having my birthday then (the 19th if you'd like to send me a card).

Getting married does not entitle you to own a season, a month, or frankly, even a day. Although your wedding is the most important thing in your life, it is not the most important thing in anyone else’s. If more brides realized this simple truth, I’d be out of a job.

I think you and your fiance have tried to be a little too accommodating, and have in a way played into the whole “it’s my day, everyone has to do what I say” mentality. While it would certainly be rude to show up at someone else’s shower or wedding and announce your engagement, it isn’t rude to get engaged the same week or month as someone else!

In your original letter you said that you are 26. You’re at a time of your life when lots and lots of people will be getting engaged, getting married, and having babies. Obviously, some of those events are going to overlap.

Stop asking people’s permission, and set the wedding date that you want. Then, take your friend out to lunch or dinner, explain to her that you know she won’t be happy about this, but your wedding date is set. Let her know that you still stand by your offer to let her pick shower and other party dates first.

You need to be prepared for the possibility that this will in fact end your friendship. There are two types of people who insist on “my day”or “my month.”

One type tends to be insecure. They look forward to their weddings as a way of finally getting proof that other people love them and admire them. That’s why it’s so hard to please these people. You have to have faith in yourself before you can believe that others love you and admire you. Even if you’d given her the entire month of December, she may then have complained that your wedding in November stole some of her ideas.

If your friend is this type, then in her mind by not giving in to her demands, you’re proving that you don’t love her, and the friendship is over. This will be hard on you at first, but better in the long run. This way, you won’t have fights over stealing her baby’s name.

The second type of person is a fairly normal person who just gets a little caught up in the wedding hype. People are telling her just what your friends are telling you that it’s your day and you should do what you want, she’s just taking it all a little more seriously.

If this is who she is, then she’ll get over it eventually and you can both go back to being friends. I wouldn't hold my breath for an apology though, the sense of entitlement tends to linger for a while.

About the Wedding Maven

If you need wedding advice, or have a question about wedding traditions, etiquette or relationships write weddingmaven@onewed.com.

Top Tips: A Checklist for Hiring Your Wedding Day Performers

Marta — Thu, 12 Aug 2010 16:30:03 -0400

Special to OneWed from Drew of GigMasters.com

The days just before your event can be among the most stressful you’ll ever experience. You’re busy worrying about caterers, the five-day forecast, the potential of your uncle giving one of his famous embarrassing speeches and any number of other possible calamities.

GigMasters, the experts in hiring event entertainment, have tips to keep you organized and (relatively) stress free.

One way in which GigMasters alleviates your stress is with our Pre-Event Checklist. We send this comprehensive list to every client and performer five days before the event, to make sure both parties are on the same page. This checklist covers ten vital points that you should consider in the days leading up to your event:

1. CONTRACTS – GigMasters offers a standard contract template at no additional charge. We recommend that all clients and performers sign a contract so you can rest easy. Whether you use our contract or create your own, be sure you both have copies of the dated and signed contract. We even recommend that you bring a copy of the contract with you to the event just in case!

2. DIRECTIONS – Performers are not mind readers (well, our psychics are), the better directions you provide the more likely that they will arrive on time. Make sure to give your performer the address, phone number and website URL of the venue well in advance.

3. VENUE SPECIFICS - Venue specifics such as outlet locations, stage setup, etc. should be discussed in detail.

4. WEATHER – Nobody wants to think about it, but rain/weather contingencies should be discussed and agreed upon if applicable. No performer wants to risk damaging their expensive and beloved equipment, so it’s important that you talk about the worst case weather scenarios, as scary as they may be.

5. PLAY LIST – If you are hiring musicians it is important for them to know what you would like them to play ahead of time so that they can rehearse and create a set list.

6. CLOTHING – Tuxes or T-shirts? Performer attire should be discussed and agreed upon in advance.

7. FOOD/DRINK – Are you providing food and drinks for your entertainer? Are you ok with them consuming alcohol or would you rather they abstain?

8. OVERTIME - Overtime rates should be discussed and agreed upon in advance in case you are not ready for the fun to stop.

9. FINAL PAYMENT - Final payment arrangements including method of payment (cash, cashier's check, etc.) should be discussed and agreed upon in advance, to avoid any confusion and potential embarrassment.

10. CONTACT INFO – You should already have it by now, but just to be sure, GigMasters sends the performer’s contact information to the client and vice versa five days prior to the event.

While we won’t claim that we can completely cure you of your event stress – our goal is to keep the entertainment portion of your party under control. If only we could say the same about your relatives!

Helpful Links
Find great wedding day performers

Ask the Wedding Maven: How to Have a Casual Wedding Reception

Marta — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 11:19:04 -0400

Dear Wedding Maven,

My husband and I met and married in a foreign country without any family present. We have decided to have a small "wedding" when we arrive home. I have a few questions about how to go about things.

We want the wedding to be VERY casual. We are still living overseas where communication is difficult and wedding customs are very different. I am also having a hard time coming to terms with sending 100 invitations from literally the opposite side of the world for something so casual. Would an email with a message and a link to our wedding website as the wedding invitation be too tacky? We aren't having a sit down dinner so RSVP's and numbers are not something I am worried about. I just want to make sure that everyone has the correct information.

The reception, as I mentioned, is not going to have a sit down dinner though we plan on having food at my mother's house in between the ceremony and the dance. Is specifying that there will be food at that event (which everyone is welcome to) and calling the reception a dance enough to let people know that a sit down dinner will not be provided, or should I be more specific?

I have had a number of people already approach my mother or me about gifts. We aren't registered anywhere and are planning on going back overseas shortly following the wedding so we don't want a lot of "stuff". I know there are people who are close to us who feel as though they want to get us some THING as a memento -- but those people generally understand the situation and will hopefully purchase gifts accordingly. What I am most worried about are the people who don't know us quite as well, or who don't know our plans to return here. How do I specify, without being rude, that people should preferably bring no gift or, if they feel as though they really want to, money toward a plane ticket home for our next visit would be the best thing? And how do I make any cash gifts optionally anonymous?

Also, both my husband and I have a number of family and friends coming from out of town. The ceremony is going to be about 15 minutes at a public park near my home. Is it ok to limit the ceremony to those people? The dance has an open invitation because we have been away for about two years and would like anyone we haven't seen that can make it to come. But I don't want so many people to necessarily be at the ceremony, which I think is more personal.

Lastly, what the heck do I call this? I don't want to call it a "wedding" necessarily, though it has all the trappings of one. We are already married. Since the reception is lacking a dinner and most formalities should it still be called a reception?

I know it's a lot but thanks for any help,
Casual "Bride"

Dear Casual,
What you’re trying to do is have a casual wedding reception or a party to celebrate your recent marriage, and you can call it by either name.

Given that you want to keep this casual, I think it’s perfectly ok to do the invitation by email, with a link to a wedding website. Although you could also ask your mother, a sister, or another trusted friend to look into ordering casual invitations from a national online site like Tiny Prints or Hello Lucky and mailing them from the states for you.

The wedding website is also the key to letting people know your gift preferences. OneWed’s wedding websites have a built in page for you to add your gift registries, including a registry for Traveler’s Joy, which sounds perfect for you. I suggest that you include a more traditional registry as well, and register for things like luggage or easily packed items, because as you say some people will want to buy you a gift.

In terms of the ceremony, yes, it’s perfectly fine to only invite a few people to the event. However, I would do that in a separate email, or with a note card so that you don’t have to put the information on the website. Remember, your wedding website will be viewable by everyone you invite to the reception.

The best way to make it clear that there won’t be a meal served at the reception is by holding it at a time when people won’t expect to be fed. For example, have it from 2-5 in the afternoon, or from 8-12 at night. You’ll still want to have munchies and drinks of some sort, or if you go with the evening, dessert, but no one will expect a full meal at a party starting at those times (you will still need to know how many people are coming though, so ask for RSVPs). However, if you are expecting people to travel some distance to attend the celebration, you will want to provide a meal for them. Your thoughts about having those people to your mother’s house for a meal sound fine.

Speaking of those people traveling from out of town… I want to warn you that it’s possible that they won’t. There are a lot of people you would expect to travel for your wedding that simply won’t make the same effort for a casual wedding reception/party.

Because you kept your actual wedding casual and private, and are taking a very casual approach to the reception, many people will believe that their presence is not really required. If there are people you really want to make sure attend, you may need to make a little extra effort to make sure they know how you feel.

Good luck and don't forget, the whole point of a party is to have fun!

If you need wedding advice or have a question about wedding traditions, wedding etiquette or relationships write the Wedding Maven at weddingmaven@onewed.com.

About the Wedding Maven

Ask the Wedding Maven: A Helpful Maid of Honor

Marta — Thu, 17 Jun 2010 10:25:38 -0400

Dear Wedding Maven,

I am the MOH in my best friend's wedding and I am just clueless on what is actually needed to make this her special day. I've never been a MOH before so I'm trying to do my best.

I think the biggest problem is that the bride is on the west coast, the 2 MOH's (including me) are on the east coast, I don't know where the other bridesmaid is, and the wedding is in the Midwest. So we will not be able to go to cake tastings, and the bride will have to rely on pictures of our dresses because she won’t be able to see them in person.

So far it seems that we are doing okay as far as pricing everything and trying to get as much information together as possible in terms of caterers, dresses, and venues. The budget for the wedding has not been determined, the style of the dresses has not been decided (except the color), and the bride has not decided what dress she is going to wear. When were are talking about the wedding she starts telling me things and that is what I run with, but then she actually talks to her finacé and things change.

I am confused and unsure of what I am doing. I want to give her a good day and try to help out as much as possible, but it just seems that I must be lacking something or missing something because it feels as if nothing is getting done.

What else can I do to make this run smoothly? What things are actually needed to make a non-traditional, small wedding do-able on a small budget (probably less than $5,000)?

Any and all advice, suggestions, and plain help would be really appreciated. Thank you.

Sincerely,
Confused MOH

Dear Confused,
You seem like a helpful, take charge kind of gal. But here’s the thing, this isn’t your wedding.

It isn’t up to you to go to cake tastings, find caterers, wedding dresses and venues. It isn’t up to you to determine the feel of the wedding or pitch ideas. That is all the job of the bride and groom.

The easiest and best thing for you to do here is also the number one thing that would solve most bride/bridesmaid problems. CALL HER! The bride chose you to be her Maid of Honor, and you accepted. Presumably, that means that the two of you are very close. You should be able to simply say to her “Carol, I love you, I want to help you with your wedding but I have absolutely no idea what you want me to do. What do you want me to do?”

Many brides really don’t want their maids of honor to do anything except listen to them, while others need her to take a more active role. You need to determine what she wants from you, and what roles you are comfortable accepting. Because neither you nor she lives in the same city as the wedding, it would be good to suggest that she find a point person in the wedding location to help with local arrangements.

As the wedding gets closer make sure to find out what exactly she needs for you to do at the wedding itself. How far in advance do you need to be “on location”?

Given how spread apart the wedding party is, I’d also suggest getting the bride signed up for Wedding Pre Party. It will let you all exchange ideas, photos and suggestions in a private atmosphere. The bride can use our customizable checklists to assign you and the other bridesmaids tasks, and you can all keep notes so that everyone is on schedule and sees what the others are doing.

Good luck to you and your bride

Your Wedding Budget: Is It Protected?

Azure — Thu, 15 Apr 2010 12:12:14 -0400

Special to OneWed by WedSafe Wedding Insurance

Despite the economic turnaround that is apparently underway, there are still a number of risks that couples face when placing significant sums of money in the hands of wedding vendors well in advance of their wedding date. We've seen a number of issues arise with all types of wedding vendors who have accepted deposits or full payment, but who did not show up or complete the services they were contracted for.

Even the most reputable and well-intentioned vendors can find themselves with financial or other types of problems. Whenever you write a check as payment to a wedding vendor, ask yourself what would happen if they could not fulfill their obligations. And while taking steps such as using a credit card and researching your vendors thoroughly can minimize the risk of loss, there is still a serious financial exposure that you face.

Wedding Insurance should be an important component of every bride’s budget, no matter how modest or extravagant their plans may be. Event Cancellation Insurance can provide reimbursement for losses due to bankrupt or no-show vendors. Policies can be purchased far in advance of your wedding date, and it is highly recommended to protect yourself as soon as you begin placing deposits with vendors.

Here are some key things to keep in mind as you research:

There are essentially two kinds of insurance that applies to couples planning their wedding:

• Wedding Cancellation/Postponement Insurance - This coverage offers financial reimbursement to the host for unforeseen events that force the cancellation or postponement of your wedding. As mentioned earlier, it can also provide financial protection against lost deposits from no-show or bankrupt vendors.

• Wedding Liability Insurance - This type of coverage is required by many venues, and they often ask to be named as an additional insured on the policy. Wedding Liability Insurance provides protection against claims arising out of the wedding, where an injury occurs or property is damaged and responsibility is alleged to fall on the host for the injury or damage.

Remember, not all coverage is the same. Policies and their terms, conditions and exclusions can vary tremendously. Since there are so many variables, first find a company that specializes in wedding insurance and is highly regarded in the industry. Establish your wedding budget and include a line for wedding insurance. You can quickly and easily obtain an instant online quote, with no obligation, for coverage that you select for your situation.

Weddings are among the most significant investment that any of us will make into one single day of our lives. Wedding insurance offers a very cost-effective way to protect that investment.

For more detailed information on protecting your wedding budget, visit WedSafe.com