Doing your homework: Finding the right readings for your wedding

editor — Wed, 17 Jun 2009 09:31:32 -0400

Special feature by Chloe’ Yelena Miller, personalized wedding poet and wedding blogger.

Your wedding should reflect you and your love, not a generic love story. Your goal is to find something meaningful to share with each other and your guests.

Once you know you are getting married, keep an eye out for interesting ideas. They can come from anywhere: song lyrics, passages from novels, poems, quotes, or even bumper stickers.

A bride who was an art historian told me about a beautiful description of a painting that showed two lovers. She decided to use it as a reading because it represented their love.

Rasheea and Royce Hall integrated e-mails into their readings. They had been long-distance for a time before they got married. At their wedding, the best man and maid of honor read some of the e-mails from that period as if they were a conversation between the two of them. These informal, loving e-mails were also humorous and shared their relationship with their guests.

Rasheea writes, “I came up with the idea very randomly-- sort of like an 'A-ha moment'. I knew the traditional vows would not sufficiently set the tone for the type of ceremony we wanted -- I am very open -- so we both wanted to let people into our relationship in a very intimate way. I was organizing and clearing out papers when I found this binder I made for Royce of all of our early correspondence, and a light bulb just went off...”

I think you’ll enjoy this sample as much as I did:

Rasheea to Royce: "Sometimes I get so overwhelmed with these emotions that I have for you - I can truly say I have never felt this way about anyone else. I so believe that God sent you specifically to me as a gift, even as a way for me to feel less alone. Royce, I love you sooo much. To be honest, I already feel like we are a family together...

As I write this my eyes burn with tears welling up in them. I love you so much and as Kelly Price sings, 'There are many things about tomorrow that I do not seem to understand, but I know who holds tomorrow and I know who holds my hand, and I know SHE ;-) will hold us together.' We are soul mates, Royce!"

Royce's reply: "Hey, just wanted to apologize officially for forwarding your email. I was just really excited about it, and wanted to share with my good friends. It should just show you the way I feel about you...

The important thing is that in 5 days, you will be here with me. And we will never, ever have to do the long-distance thing again... Only 5 days till I have you in my arms. And, only 5 days until we start our life together. Life can be a wild ride, but I'm glad that I have you in the passenger's seat. I love you. I welcome you into my family and I welcome you into my heart."

What a great idea! Mull over things you’ve done together (such as trips, holidays, birthdays, or books you read) and consider how aspects of them might fit into the ceremony.

You may decide to use the readings to make a political statement at your wedding. Bride Bethany Albertson decided to choose a political passage for her wedding and she blogged about it.

Your creativity might need a jump start. I wrote about finding the right poem for your wedding on my blog here. There are a few good resources you might enjoy too.

After you find your readings, the next step is to share them with your wedding party. Discuss who will read what and give them enough time to feel comfortable reading the work. (Don’t spring it on them the morning of the wedding!) You might even ask them for suggestions regarding other pieces to add.

Happy readings!

This Looks Promising: Writing Your Own Vows

editor — Mon, 23 Mar 2009 15:10:34 -0400

Writing your own vows? Good for you! It’s a beautiful way to make your ceremony personal and special. Freaking out? That’s totally normal. Even artsy writey types get nervous about writing their own vows. How do you sum up your love for someone with just words?

But millions of people have done it well, and you can too. Here are a few pointers.

Start writing early.
Or at least start jotting down ideas or phrases you like. Your brain won’t necessarily hand you everything at once. Give yourself time to let the best words come to you gradually.

Remember that no one is judging you.
This isn’t an exam, and you will be in front of the most on-your-side crowd you’ve ever encountered in your life. You don’t have to impress anybody. As long as you don’t divert into politics or meat processing, they’re almost guaranteed to love what you say.

Write as a team.
Check in with each other to make sure your vows match in length and sentiment. No one wants to follow free-verse love poetry with “Love ya, babe!” The two of you can write one piece for you both, or you can each do your own. Just make sure you’re on the same page.

Write from the heart.
Your wedding is one of the few times in your life when you can be completely and unashamedly emotional in public. And people will love it. If you have something that you’ve been dying to say to your groom but it always seemed too goopy, now is the time.

Write short.
I was just kidding about the free-verse poetry. Mentioning a significant moment is great, but if people want to know the blow-by-blow history of your dating, you can tell them later. Keep it sweet and keep it just a couple of minutes long, max.

If you’re stuck, use the Big Three.
You really only need to hit three major points in your vows. (Actually, you technically only need the third one. But the first two are nice to get in there.)
1. I love you.
2. This is how you have made my life better.
3. This is how I will cherish you for the rest of our lives.

That word “cherish” is an important one. You don’t have to use it. Just the two major concepts it covers. You’re telling your groom (and the world) that you will both appreciate and take care of him. Pretty nice, huh?

Put these into your own words and you’re pretty much golden.

Check in with your officiant.
It’s a good idea to run your vows by your officiant to make sure he or she thinks they are appropriate for your ceremony. He or she will also probably have some good advice, or at least a jumping-off point if you’re stuck.

Say your vows out loud before the rehearsal dinner.
Say ‘em a few times. If they don’t sound natural, you can adjust.

Practice.
The more comfortable you are with your vows, the better. If you’ve said them a lot, you’ll say them easily.

Cheat.
Even if you’ve practiced your vows a lot, it’s good to have a safety net. Write them down on index cards, just in case. You can tuck the cards into your bouquet or ask your maid of honor to hold them. You’re way less likely to be nervous about remembering them if you know you have backup.

Look at your groom.
Remember that guy? He’s pretty great and you get to say it out loud. How fantastic is that?

Now go on and say it.

readings | OneWed

Doing your homework: Finding the right readings for your wedding

This Looks Promising: Writing Your Own Vows