Sunday, September 25th, 2011 by Courtney

The Role of the Groom - Things For You To Do

You bought the ring, talked to her parents, and popped the big question; now you just sit back and wait for the wedding day, right? It’s true, your bride will most likely take on the brunt of the planning, but this is your wedding day too!  Some grooms want to be heavily involved; others want to stay as far from the planning as possible.  Depending on your bride, your relationship, and your personality, you have to decide together how much involvement you’ll have.  Whatever you and she decide, here are some of the more common and traditional duties that will befall you during this process. 

• Give support. Your most important task is supporting your bride during the planning process.  No matter how long she’s been planning this day, she’s going to encounter stress that she never saw coming, and it’s your job to be there. This doesn’t mean you have to be her punching bag!  This will be a stressful time for you too, so remember that you’re supposed to support each other.  Just know she’ll have at least one freak-out moment.  Remind her that you love her, you can’t wait to be her wife, and even when she’s crying you think she’s beautiful.

• Decide the theme. The first wedding-related thing to decide is what kind of wedding do you want.  Does the idea of walking down the aisle of a church full of rose petals with a harp playing in the background make you cringe?  Tell her that.  Does the idea of her walking toward through a field in bare feet and flowers in her hair make your heart melt?  Tell her that too.  You might not care what flowers are in her hair, but you want to make sure that you are comfortable and happy throughout the day, so make sure the approach is one that you’re both happy with.

• Decide the budget.  A meeting of all parties contributing financially should happen; it’s your job to help coordinate, help decide, and help keep the peace. 

• Make lists. Unless your bride is type A, offer to set up an excel spreadsheet to manage names & addresses of guests; gifts; thank you card status; RSVP responses.

• Invite list. Make a list of people you want to invite, and have your parents do the same. 

• The WedSite. Set up the wedding website— is a great one to check out!

• Your boys.  Decide who your best man and groomsmen will be.  In our opinion, brothers should be best men before friends; it’s ultimately your decision, but remember family will always be in your life.

• Your best man. Talk to your best man about his role for the day – toast, holding rings, decorating the getaway car, help maid of honor decorate wedding night room…

• Keep the groomsmen informed. Keep all groomsmen up to date about the rehearsal, wedding day events and times, their attire, and your expectations of them on the wedding day.  They can help set the tone for the evening, so encourage them to dance with everyone (old and young) to keep people on the dance floor and having a great night.

• Attire. Decide what you and hat your groomsmen will wear.  Try to keep it with the theme of the wedding, the time of year, and your own personal style.  Tails and a top hat just don’t work at a beach wedding.

• Schedules. Offer to call vendors & set up appointments – create a shared calendar for the two of you to avoid conflicts in scheduling (Google calendars is great for this)

• Wedding Bands.  Choose wedding bands for you and your bride. You might want to do this together.

• Honeymoon. It’s a long-standing tradition that the groom plan (and pay for) the honeymoon.

• The License. Take care of paying for and obtaining the marriage license

•• Gifts. Give a gift to each of your groomsmen and your ushers; you can look here for inspiration.  And be sure to thank them each individually.

The Limo. Take care of wedding day transportation, whether it’s a limo, town car, sports car, Vespa…you get the idea.

• Toasts. Write/prepare to give a thank you toast.  Make sure to thank all important parties publicly: her parents, your parents, your bride, best man, groomsmen, and anyone else you want to include.

• Vows. Write your vows.  You can look to your officiant, poetry, song lyrics, books, or the old reliable internet for help and inspiration.

• A Gift For Her. Buy a gift for your bride; you can decide together whether it will be something big or small, or you can just surprise her.  You can either give it to her the night before the wedding, the night of the wedding, or surprise her with it while she’s getting ready (send your best man to deliver it)

• Wedding Night.  Arrange wedding night accommodations—if the wedding is in a hotel, often they’ll throw in a honeymoon suite.  If you’re leaving the next morning for your honeymoon though, you might want to get a room at a hotel closer to the airport.

• Final Payments. Designate (and prepare) someone to pay all final balances the day of the wedding

• Be the Spokesman.  You should remember that it’s your job to keep the lines of communication flowing with your family.

• Rehearsal Dinner.  It’s traditionally the role of your parents to host this; you should help them plan.

• Thank You Cards.  You get to benefit from the gifts too!  Make sure you help your bride write and send out all the thank you cards.