By Azure Nelson,
Published Jul 28, 2010
Dear Wedding Maven,
I'm in a dilemma. My best friend is getting married in a matter of
weeks and I am her maid of honor. My issue is that she has been
cheating on her fiancé for months now. I feel stuck in the middle.
I've never warmed to her fiancé not does he treat her right, hence the
fact she's went elsewhere. I've made my feelings clear that it should
be one man or the other but she isn't listening. Should I still be her
maid of honor? How can I stand up bedside her at the altar, before
God and looking them both in the eye as they say their vows? I feel
it's either loose her by stepping down as maid of honor or be untrue
to myself and to my beliefs.
Thank you for Reading this,and I would appreciate your opinion on this.
You say that you’ve tried to make your feelings clear, but has your best friend made her feelings clear?
I agree with you that her behavior is pretty bad, but she’s not my best friend. If she were my best friend, I’d worry a little less about my own moral dilemma, and a little more about what’s going on with her. Especially if this sort of behavior is out of character for her.
You aren't "stuck in the middle" because in reality this situation has very little to do with you. Why not start by asking your friend some questions.
Why is she getting married? Why is she cheating on her fiancé? Why does she put up with a fiancé that doesn’t treat her right? What does she see as the ideal outcome to all of this? Is she going through with the wedding because she’s too embarrassed to cancel it? Does she love her fiancé, but she’s cheating because she’s scared?
Is she marrying this man because he’s wealthy and will support her, but really she’s still attracted to a poor dreamer that she plans on meeting on the cheating side of town? Oh wait, that’s the plot to the Eagles’ song “Lyin’ Eyes.”
Sorry, I digress.
If your friend does decide to go through with the wedding, you will need to make a decision about whether or not to stand up with her. But, I think that if you actually try and engage your friend in a conversation about what’s going on, instead of trying to tell her what to do, you may be able to be true to yourself, save the friendship, and help your friend.
Do you need wedding advice? Do you have a question about wedding traditions, relationships, or wedding etiquette? Write the Wedding Maven at firstname.lastname@example.org
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