Head Count? Schmead Count.
By Wedding Maven,
Published Sep 10, 2009
This week, the Wedding Maven deals with RSVP do-overs.
Dear Wedding Maven,
I think I’ve made a horrible faux pas. A friend invited me to her wedding. The invitation was addressed to “Jane Smith and Guest.” I had someone in mind that I wanted to bring to the wedding, but I didn’t think he’d be able to make it.
The wedding is next week, and I just found out that my date can make it. I called and left a message for the bride, asking if it was ok. That was last week, and I haven’t heard back from her.
I’m not sure if she’s mad that I asked, or just busy. I’m also not sure if I should bring my guest. I’m thinking I should go by myself.
When I see the bride at the reception, should I apologize for my phone message?
Dear Ms. Smith (not your real name I trust),
You’re right: you committed a faux pas. You’re right that you were invited to bring a guest (as opposed to an invitation addressed just to you), but once you respond to an invitation, that response should be sacrosanct, no changes.
That being said, on the scale of things to feel guilty about, this ranks below not reusing plastic sandwich bags, and WAY BELOW bringing an unannounced, uninvited guest.
You’re right that you should attend this event solo unless you hear differently from the bride. Next time, respond that two are coming. It’s easier to switch dates at the last minute, or to cancel someone than it is to add someone. Also, I hereby declare a new rule: starting one month before the wedding, guests are not allowed to bother the bride or groom about anything. If you need information, ask a bridesmaid, groomsman, relative, or someone else in the inner circle.To you, it’s just one little request, and it’s important, but if all the guests do the same thing, the happy couple is going to start wishing they’d eloped.
If I were you, I wouldn’t mention it to the bride at the reception. The truth is, she’s busy. She’s probably already forgotten about your request. The reception should be about her enjoying herself, not worrying about how bad you feel for your mistake that she doesn’t even remember.
So, relax, enjoy the wedding, and use the alone time to practice flirting. If you do it well enough, maybe next time you’ll have a more reliable date.