The Battle of His Exes
By The OneWed Team,
Published Sep 10, 2009
Hi. Dani here. We started writing this article because I was thinking out loud about my seating arrangement and wondering if it was OK to put two of Chris’s exes at the same table at dinner and I realized that Bree was looking at me like I’d just been talking about inviting Genghis Khan.
(Bree) You might as well. Oh, and why don’t you invite the stripper from his bachelor party and release poison spiders during the father-daughter dance?
(Dani) As it turns out, and as you’ve guessed, Bree and I have very different views on whether it’s OK for your fiancé to stay friends with his exes and whether those friends should be invited to the wedding. I think it’s cool that Chris is friends with several of his exes. It was actually kind of a selling point for me when we started dating. If he’s friends with his exes, it means that he hasn’t been a jerk to them. It means that he can handle disagreements on an adult level and deal with something as emotionally charged as a breakup well enough that neither of them feels like they’ve gotten burned. I knew I had a good guy on my hands – one who understands and respects women.
(Bree) Oh, please. It’s like you’ve never watched The Hills. If there’s not a clean break when it’s over, there’s something shady going on. Someone is either hoping to get back together or hanging around for some ex sex. Obviously I wouldn’t date a guy who has a bunch of restraining orders out against him or whose exes throw a drink in his face every time they see him, but that doesn’t mean he needs to be all huggy with them, either. Chris may be blame-free, but I bet those women haven’t really let go.
(Dani) Well, one of them is married, so she’s certainly weaving a tangled web if that’s the case. And as long as neither one is a psycho, the fact that she may still like Chris isn’t really my problem. I can either trust him or I can’t. Obviously I do, or I wouldn’t be marrying him. And if he were the kind of guy to cheat, he’d find a way to do it whether I vetted his friends or not. And I think the idea of vetting his friends is what it comes down to – I don’t think it’s right for me to tell him who he can be friends with and who he’s allowed to invite to his own wedding.
(Bree) I disagree. I think I have a perfect right to say that I’m not comfortable with my fiancé seeing one of his exes, or at least not alone. If he wants to say hi at a party or chat if a big group of friends is out together, fine, but other than that, clean break. And I do expect to be able to veto guests at my wedding. If he asked me to do the same, I’d listen. Exes should be out of sight and out of mind. And far away from the wedding. Besides, do you really want a table full of women who can chat about what your new husband is like in bed?
(Dani) Ew. Good point. Separate tables.