By Azure Nelson,
Published Feb 25, 2010
Special to OneWed from The Plunge
Brides! Listen up. There is a very, very good chance that your groom will make a few mistakes. Some small, some big. This can bum you out and add more stress. So let us pull back the veil and show the 5 biggest mistakes he might make… Feel free to forward to your fiancé. These are targeted for him.
Mistake 1: Completely shut down.
We get it. You think the words “wedding planning” are the two most disheartening words in the English language, or at least in the Top 5, right up there with Erectile Dysfunction and Valentine’s Day. So you’re tempted to let your fiancée do everything. Don’t. For one, it’s not fair, as you’re throwing her under the bus. More importantly, though, you lose the ability to actually influence the things that matter. Use the 80/20 rule. By helping with the Big Three (guestlist
, the location,
and the date
) you influence results without drowning in details.
Mistake 2: Become Debbie Downer.
This is the #1 complaint we hear from women: that their fiancés say they don’t care, but then, after months of gloomy silence, they criticize at the last second without offering anything constructive. It’s a fair complaint. To keep good Groom Karma, every once in a while you must offer some positive suggestions, take a stand, and, if you must, fake enthusiasm. (You think she hasn’t?)
Mistake 3: Ignore the gift registry
It’s only human nature. When your woman suggests that you spend 14 hours at Bed Bath and Beyond to lock down your “gift registry,” the male response—coded deep in our DNA—is to go fetal. There’s a better way. If you take some initiative, you can actually avoid the gifts of gravy boats, garlic presses, and waffle makers by learning how to game the system. You can register at places like Amazon, Target,
that offer a range of non-sucky gifts. You can also exploit generous return policies. More on that here. (OneWed editor’s note, oh boys, think much bigger, why not register at places like My Wines Direct if you really want non-sucky gifts!)
Mistake 4: Turn into Groomzilla.
Careful. Don’t let the pendulum swing too far. Yes, you shouldn’t be a zombie. Yes, you shouldn’t be oblivious. But don’t go crazy. Don’t get so pumped for your wedding, so fired up, that you morph into the obsessive, penny-counting, micro-managing Groomzilla. This is the guy that cares way too much about every little detail, grilling florists and poring through wedding magazines and out-brideing the bride. Never be That Guy.
Mistake 5: Lose perspective, and forget that your wedding is a party.
Your wedding is a party. And parties should be fun. This is a fact that often gets overlooked by the very people planning the party. So, as the groom, it’s your job to keep things in perspective and remember that a good party should have good music, good food, good people, and good booze. To be more blunt: ensure you have an open bar, pick a good DJ/band, and have plenty of input on the guestlist.
One more thing about perspective. At your bachelor party, you might be goaded, tempted, and guilted into doing something dumb. Let’s say, for example, that your fiancée forbids lap dances, but your buddies insist. Don’t go there. We get these emails all the time—a lap dance throws an ugly wrench into the final weeks of the engagement. Wherever she draws the line, respect it. (For more on this, check out What Counts as Cheating at Your Bachelor Party.
Your next step? Learn how to pick your battles. You need to know when you can Wake Up, and when you can Hit Snooze.
ThePlunge.com is a site for guys getting married... without all the usual horrors of wedding planning. Everything from buying the ring to the bachelor party to dealing with cold feet